Sex Education Comes of Age at The CFLE!

By Peggy Brick

By creating, publishing and promoting the teaching manual, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only, The Center for Family Life Education (CFLE) has taken the lead in recognizing the widely unrecognized need for sexuality education for people in mid and later life. While the sexuality education field has long professed “we’re sexual from birth until death,” The CFLE has seized the opportunity to envision a resource that answers to a growing need that is exacerbated by rapidly increasing longevity. I salute Bill Taverner, Director of The CFLE and the courageous CEOs of The CFLE’s parent organization, Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, Jeff Brand and Triste Brooks, who supported and continue to support this important initiative.

As co-author of Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter, and founder of the Consortium on Sexuality and Aging, I joined the American Society on Aging (ASA) hoping to inspire interest in sexuality issues among those professionals. In September, ASA’s newspaper, Aging Today featured my article, “Vital Social Movement Promotes a New Vision of Sexuality in Older Age” and, in March, I and two other Consortium members presented a workshop, “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: What Every Professional Needs to Know About Sexuality and Aging” at ASA’s huge annual conference in Chicago.

But most exciting was the booth sponsored by PPGNNJ in a daring effort to market the manual. Attracting great attention with bright signs heralding, SEX, SEX, SEX, The CFLE table was staffed by Administrative Assistant, Joyce Korbylo, wearing a brilliant t-shirt announcing “SEX @ Table 112!” We surely did create interest!

“Oh! what a great idea,” some exclaimed, promising to order when they returned home. “This is REALLY needed,” others proclaimed. Some giggled; one woman bought one “For my husband!”

Kudos to The CFLE! Here’s hoping many others will follow the leader!

Peggy Brick is the founder of the Consortium on Sexuality and Aging and is the lead author of Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter, which is available at www.SexuallySmarter.com. She was the director of The Center for Family Life Education from 1985 until 1998.

Condom Compliance: Why Aren't All the Adults Doing It?

by Robin Slaw, Sexual Health Educator/Trainer

(In this article on condom compliance - Robin touches on the necessity of educating youth on the importance of condoms to and some reasons adults may not use them as well as other issues. Condoms are critical to preventing STIs so this article is perfectly timed to coordinate with the Get Yourself Tested campaign and STI Prevention Month - ending in a week.)

Recently, a freshman student asked me why older people don’t use condoms. It’s a good question, isn’t it? How do you explain to a 15-year-old that even though older adults might not use condoms, they should? And, how do you finish that explanation and still manage to get through a 45-minute contraception presentation before the bell rings and you lose your audience?

It’s a conundrum that sexual health educators often face, especially those of us who are invited to present to an entire freshman or junior class of 298 students in 45 minute chunks, in classes of 30 to 60 students, some doubled in size to make sure we are heard by the entire school’s worth of freshmen or juniors.

In this particular class, we spent some time talking about pleasure and condoms, since one reason people are not condom compliant is the complaint about reduced pleasure. One of my colleagues has shared some wonderful work on pleasure and safer sex (you’ll see her lesson in the third edition of Teaching Safer Sex, out by the end of 2010!) We talked about how lubricants can help condoms feel more natural and what kind of lubricants you can safely use with condoms (and perhaps more importantly, what kinds of lubes are not safe for condoms). And we talked about trying different condoms since loose fitting condoms can detract from sexual pleasure. We spent a minute on how older people can sometimes get stuck in out-of-date ideas, or perhaps don’t understand the necessity of using condoms to help prevent disease as well as pregnancy. Then we continued the class with dental dams and female condoms so I could finish the presentation before the bell rang.

The teacher that I worked with during this class was amused by the reactions of some of the students to the idea of looking at condoms in the store. Together, we worked on a plan to send the students out to stores to evaluate condoms for extra credit during the unit on sexually transmitted infections (STIs). These lucky students will have a deeper understanding of the range of condoms and how to use them properly, so when they do become sexually active, they will be prepared to stay safe.

At the end of March, sexual health education advocates went to Washington, D. C. to advocate for comprehensive sexuality education across the country. The standards are radically different across the country. Even in Northern New Jersey, state standards are applied differently in different areas. In some schools, I can demonstrate how to put on a condom correctly, which helps students use condoms effectively. In other schools, I can only talk about condoms, even though I can demonstrate the use of every other type of contraception. In other schools, like the one my daughters attend, they don’t cover contraception, and students don’t even see pictures, let alone get to examine a female condom or a dental dam.

I am left wondering – how will the students who don’t see contraception know what to do when it comes time for them to delay pregnancy? How many of them will become part of the statistics of STIs in high school students in the U.S.? According to the last CDC report on Trends in HIV- and STD-Related Risk Behaviors Among High School Students, about half of all high school students will become sexually active by the time they leave high school, only one third of those students will use condoms consistently, and one in every four sexually active high school students will get a sexually transmitted infection by the time they graduate high school. If we aren’t showing these students how to use condoms, will they know how to stay safe?

The Guttmacher Institute published a study in 1998 that indicates condom distribution in high schools increases the use of condoms for students. The study saw very little change in condom use among students who were already sexually active, but a dramatic increase in the use of condoms for students who initiated sexual activity after condom distribution was introduced to schools. There were no changes to the number of students who initiated first intercourse, nor was there an increase in the number of times students had intercourse. The only net (and positive) effect was better condom compliance for students who were not yet sexually active before the study.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could live in a community that taught its students how to use contraception, and then made that contraception easily available? We wouldn’t see increases in sexual behavior; instead, we would see safer students!

Juneau Sex Ed is a Crime?

By Bill Taverner

I’ve never been one to want to get arrested. Sure, I’ve spoken my mind when it comes to sexuality education. I’ve written opinion pieces, and I’ve been fortunate to speak to Congress twice, each time extolling the virtues of comprehensive sex ed, while enumerating the problems with abstinence-only-until-marriage education. But, no, I’ve never picketed very much, and I can honestly say that I’ve never had even the tiniest urge to spend a night in the slammer.

But I’m ready to break the law now.

Just get me on a plane to Juneau County, Wisconsin. That is where the district attorney has declared sex ed against the law. Yes, I’ll say it again: in Juneau County, teachers can be arrested for teaching sex ed. Never heard of Juneau? Well, the county’s slogan is “Worth a closer look!” So, yes, let’s take a closer look.

Last month, District Attorney Scott Southworth sent a letter to the school districts in Juneau County. He warned teachers that teaching about how to use a condom or birth control is criminal, and could result in their arrest and prosecution to the tune of a $10,000 fine and nine months behind bars. Folks, we might laugh this letter off if it went out to the area pre-schools, but high school health teachers were the target of his witch hunt. This is what the teachers get for doing a good job at helping to prevent teen pregnancy. Wisconsin has the seventh lowest rate of teen pregnancy in the nation. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, their rate has dropped substantially (by 37%) during the past two decades. No doubt thanks to teachers who were responsibly teaching about contraception. Still, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention tells us that just about half of high school students have had sexual intercourse. The percentage predictably rises with grade level to the tune of two-thirds by graduation day and substantially more by the end of the first year in college. Further, about one-in-four teens has a sexually transmitted infection.

I’ve been to Wisconsin a number of times, where I’ve had good beer and even better cheese. The last time I gave a workshop in Milwaukee, teachers came from all over the state, and I trained them to help students recognize the problems that often happen when teens date adults. These were bright, thoughtful teachers who were deeply concerned about the health and well-being of their students, and the scope of their concern extended far beyond discussions of condoms and contraception.

I had to applaud them for their successes in keeping teen pregnancy and birth rates so low, while expanding their education focus to teaching about healthy and unhealthy relationships.

So why is the district attorney now trying to undo what appears to be relatively successful teen pregnancy interventions, especially compared to the United States efforts overall in recent years?

The website for Juneau County says that it “offers possibilities to those who are pursuing a better quality of life.” Was the D.A. consulted on the county’s promotional language? Because I can’t help but wonder if that vision includes teens. I would hope that the county would value keeping teen pregnancy rates low as a way to help young people pursue a better quality of life.

So here’s my open invitation to my friends in Juneau County who are trying so hard to prevent teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections: I will be delighted to visit, hike on your gorgeous land and water trails, teach sex ed at any school that will have me, and when I’m done, Mr. Southworth can slap the handcuffs on me himself. No doubt, as the website says, “there’s an adventure awaiting” in Juneau County. Let’s just keep away from the life-limiting kind of adventures that come with teen pregnancy and STDs.

Thinking About Sex (Ed) All the Time: Wearing My Work Hat Home

by Colleen Lord, CFLE Staff

Thank Heavens for Robie Harris (and Bill Taverner!)

The Center for Family Life Education (CFLE)’s fearless leader Bill Taverner recently made a comment at our staff meeting about how we educators think about sex ed all the time, even on our “off” time.

“Bill, I don’t know about you, but when I’m home, I’m thinking about how I can get my son to pee IN the toilet,” I joked back. With two small kids at home, I have so much else on my mind besides work.

At home that night, I prepared to read to my son his nightly books. A certain flying elephant has been a favorite lately (my mom, a self-pronounced garage sale queen snagged this gem for us) and the book begins with a stork delivering said baby elephant to his mother.

I asked my son, “Do storks REALLY deliver babies??” He laughed and said “NO! Mommies have the babies in their bellies!”

“That’s right! In their uterus! Just below the belly!” He nods.

This is when I pictured a big, shiny light bulb over my head. Dag nabit, Bill was right. I’m always wearing that sex educator hat (I imagine mine to look like this), even when I’m with my kids. Especially now.

Robie Harris’ It’s Not the Stork is another huge favorite i

n our house. Thank the heavens for Ms. Harris. I have recommended her books thousands of times pre-parenthood. I’m thrilled to have them now as part of my parenting survival kit.

Prior to having my children, I’ll admit I was a little terrified of teaching sex ed with young kids. My participants have normally been of the taller, less boogery set.

But, now I realize how natural a process it is when kids learn about sexuality earlier. Not to mention he’s hearing the facts from me, his mom, not from Joey around the corner who really thinks the stork brings babies. My son is very proud of his body, and owns it. He’s a more confident kid because he knows that every part of his body is a great part. The confidence boost is not the only benefit.

He is empowered with knowledge that will help reduce his risk for sexual abuse. Abusers have little interest in children who can name all their body parts, and who learn to speak up for themselves. These are both critical aspects of sex ed for young children identified in Sue Montfort and Peggy Brick’s Healthy Foundations books. This kind of empowerment is a huge bonus in my eyes.

Of course, sex ed for my young son has brought some funnies along the way. For some reason, he is convinced that I have a scrotum and he insisted on telling my mother-in-law about it. The look on her face was priceless—camera-worthy. We’re working on getting the girl / boy parts down. Another look at those illustrations in It’s Not the Stork! is in our future.

Does the thought of talking with your kids about sex make you want to run away and join the circus? Grab a copy of Healthy Foundations and It’s Not the Stork! and you’ll handle your talks with the grace of an acrobat. Healthy Foundations is an oldie but goodie in the CFLE’s catalog of resources; you’ll find a wealth of information. I’m in LOVE with the tips for answering young children’s questions about sex. These guidelines alone are worth their weight in gold.

Have another great resource to share? Fill me in! I’m always looking for new items to put into my sex-ed parenting survival kit!

Say What?: Sex Slang Goes Viral

by Robin Slaw, Sexual Health Educator/Trainer, The Center for Family Life Education

As a Sexual Health Educator/Trainer for the CFLE, I travel across northern New Jersey, presenting on a variety of topics. I am always glad to have the opportunity to interact with students or adults when I go to schools or health fairs and the reactions, questions, and insights that our presentations bring on from the audience are always interesting. These interactions make me so grateful I do what I do; however sometimes the questions and comments can amaze me. This is is a little bit of what Robin "Saw"...

Last week I presented for a high school leadership program in northern New Jersey. I really enjoy the teens in the program; they are refreshingly honest and open, working very hard to keep out of trouble, survive in an urban school, and find ways to be successful. Many of them are lucky enough to have involved parents, and the leadership program offers them a place to hang after school where they can get homework help and have presentations on topics that make a difference in their lives. Usually I see them about once a month.

On this particular occasion, I was presenting a program on stereotypes. During our discussion, we talked about how important communication is and discussed our perceptions of ourselves and how others perceive us. We were working our way through some stereotypical statements and how we felt about them, when we ran into some gender challenges (e.g., “Girls who wear short skirts are asking for sex.”) This brought about quite the heated discussion. And then we slammed into the biggest challenge of all: “Boys should never say no to sex.”

The argument was heated enough just sorting through the ideas of why they think guys and girls are different or not when it comes to sexual expression. Here, I had them break down the meaning of “dirty” because one young gentleman replied that he would only say “no” to sex if the girl was “dirty”. It’s always dangerous to make assumptions working with students in poverty, so I asked what he meant by “dirty”. First he replied, “Well, bad breath, Miss. Smelly hair. That kind.” Amidst much laughter, he threw in, “And blue waffles. I couldn’t do blue waffles.”

Hmmm. Blue waffles???

"Now, had I not just heard this term, I would’ve been stumped. But, this was actually the second time in just over a week that I had heard someone mention blue waffles. However, this urban school district was far removed from the last place I had heard this term - my car."

Driving my daughter and a friend home from their own sexuality course, I listened to their conversation in the backseat. (Moms are always invisible when chauffeuring teens and children.) They talked about what topics might be covered next, and the friend exclaimed, “As long as we don’t have to learn about blue waffles, I am ok.”

My daughter was intrigued, and I was stumped. When she tried to ask her friend, the friend refused to describe what blue waffles were, and told my daughter to look it up online. When my daughter couldn’t find anything, she asked me for help, and, my goodness, I’m glad she did! We found a picture illustrating what blue waffles were, and after I hauled my jaw back up off the floor, what followed was a wonderful teachable moment.

We were able to discuss sexually transmitted infections (STIs), how we can protect ourselves, and how most people don’t experience any symptoms when they do have infections. We also talked about scare tactics and how they don’t work when teaching teens about STIs, despite the penchant among some educators to show the most graphic, vile images they can find.

What was even more amazing was how viral the term had become among high school students. Not surprisingly, few adults knew about the term. And with the more adults I asked about term, I realized I was not the only adult not in the "waffle know." None of the adult advisors at the teen program had heard about blue waffles, and none of my work colleagues had, either. But, all the high school students in the leadership program knew exactly what the young man was talking about, and amidst gleeful shrieks of “EEEEeeeewwww” and a small detour into STIs, we managed to complete our discussion about stereotypes.

I am left pondering the ways that we teach adolescents about sexuality. They are exposed to so much more than I ever knew at their age; they are so sophisticated in so many ways, yet are still wide-eyed children in many other ways. How savvy we need to be as educators! I wondered: was it a good thing that I’d already known about blue waffles before this week’s conversation? Maybe … otherwise I might have needed a few minutes to collect myself after viewing the image for the first time! How can we keep up with changing slang terms and terms that travels faster than we can learn them?

I will be taking back another lesson on STIs next month. Perhaps I’ll bring in my laptop and show them the amazing Planned Parenthood Behind the Figleaf (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/watch/am-normal-behind-fig-leaf-26794.htm) website, so they can see some normal and healthy genital drawings and answer the perennial question, “Am I Normal?” And I will continue to be grateful for access to accurate information on sexuality from organizations like Planned Parenthood who work hard to keep teens safe!