Happy Let’s Talk Month!
When I first jumped into sex education my initial thought
was to work primarily with parents. I wanted to support family conversations
about sexuality – support parents on their paths as primary sexuality
educators. I met with a few parents privately to get a needs-assessment going
and then I jumped in and started running classes.
The classes started off successfully – the parents who
attended were enthusiastic, engaged, and devoted to the process of learning how
to engage with their teens and pre-teens.
But then, and this took me by surprise, the parents who
attended my classes started asking me to teach their children sexuality
education classes – fully comprehensive ones that encompassed all aspects of
sexuality rather than only information pertaining to biology, contraception,
STIs, and abstinence.
So now I have a range of classes I offer for parents and youth. And that’s great.
But my classes for youth are far more popular than my classes for adults, and
that bothers me. In reaction, I started talking with youth about how to talk
with their parents about sex: I wrote an article for Scarleteen and led workshops at conferences.
What I found was that both adults and youth want deeper
intergenerational conversations about sexuality, but no one really wants to be
the first one out of the gate to start those talks.
So, to honor both the work I’ve done in the area and Let’s
Talk Month, today’s lesson comes from Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter:
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GRANDPARENTS:
Sexuality Educators Par Excellence
Objectives
Participants will:
1. Compare becoming a sexual person for youth today with
when they were young.
2. Identify the many forces influencing young people and the
importance of responsible adults taking on such a role in sexuality education.
3. Explore the specific ways grandparents can be a positive
influence in the sexual learning of their grandchildren.
Rationale
Although there is much agreement about negative societal
influences on the sexual development of young people, for a variety of reasons
many parents do not provide sexuality education sufficient to help children and
youth negotiate the difficult decisions they must make in today’s world. Savvy
grandparents can play an important role, by providing nurturing love and
support and also by providing specific information, counseling, and resources.
This lesson encourages grandparents to think of ways they can help
grandchildren develop values and skills in a sexually challenging society. In
doing so, grandparents must respect the primary responsibility and rights of
parents, so that their messages do not conflict with parents’ values.
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What a fantastic lesson and idea! I never had any
grandparents in my classes, although I’ve talked with a few at parties and
other social gatherings about their work towards being a sexuality educator for
their grandchildren. I’ve also had a few grandparents contact me about their
grandchildren being in my comprehensive sexuality classes – although the
parents are always the ones who have to give permission.
One of my favorite parts of this lesson is the section on
helping children think for themselves. It advocates the following questions:
- “What do you think?”
- “What will happen if…?”
- “What could you do when…?”
- “How would you feel if…?”
There’s no reason to restrict this sort of fabulous guidance
for adults talking with young people to grandparents. Almost every adult could
benefit from a reminder that these types of questions support independent
thinking, consideration of a variety of perspectives, and open further
conversation rather than shutting it down.
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