Sexually Smarter

Why I Teach Sex Ed: Brooklyn, NY

2012-01-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

by Kirsten deFur

Kirsten deFur wrote these lessons for the

forthcoming 3rd ed. of Teaching Safer Sex:

"Defining Sexual Health" and "I Feel Good!" (vol. 1)

and "Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid" (vol. 2)

Contributing author to Teaching Safer Sex

I had just started 8th grade at Byrd middle school in Richmond, VA. It was the beginning of the school year, so must have been September. My parents told me that I would be taking a class at church called About Your Sexuality (AYS). They said it would be every Sunday, during church, for the ENTIRE school year. I was not excited. I believe I even refused to go. To that, my parents said that if I went to the first few classes and was really unhappy, that I didn’t have to keep going. I figured that was a good compromise, so I agreed. And thank goodness! Because that class was probably one of the best things that I did as I was entering the tumultuous time of being a teenager. Not only did I learn about REALLY important stuff, I also developed some wonderful friendships with the other kids in the class, and I’m proud to say that many of them are still my friends today, almost 20 years later.

That was in 8th grade, and it wasn’t until my senior year of college that I realized what the impact that AYS class would have on my entire life. I was in my final semester of college at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, pursuing a double major in flute performance and religious studies, when a professor suggested that I get an internship for the summer. As I was searching for positions in the DC area, I stumbled upon several intriguing opportunities at organizations such as the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. While I had always been vocal about sexual health issues such as abortion, I had always argued that we should be trying to reduce the need for abortion in the first place- an approach of prevention and education. In this search for a summer internship, I realized two things - that first of all there actually was a professional field of sexuality education, and second, I was really comfortable talking about sexuality with pretty much anyone- and that is a skill that not many people have. I recalled my own positive educational experience attending AYS, and thought, I would love to provide the others with a similarly comfortable, safe environment in which to learn about and explore the complicated topic of sexuality. That summer I did land an internship in the government relations department at the National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League (NARAL, now Pro-Choice America). While it wasn’t quite sexuality education, it was in the right direction!

So, in the midst of preparing for my senior flute recital and wrapping up my degree in religious studies, I figured out that the career path of sexuality education fit me like a glove. On discussing this decision with friends, they all agreed that my ‘skill’ of talking openly and honestly about sexuality would be put to good use!

The next steps on this path included working as a consultant updating sex ed resources for the Virginia Department of Education, volunteering as a sex educator for Richmond’s Planned Parenthood, teaching the 4th-6th grade Our Whole Lives program at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Arlington, VA, and then moving to New York City to get my masters of public health in sexuality and health at Columbia University. Since finishing my masters in 2006, I have become a trainer for the adult/young adult age groups of the Our Whole Lives program in addition to teaching almost all of the OWL levels, among other professional accomplishments.

And this blog represents the next steps on my path to sexuality education stardom. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and ideas about sexuality education approaches and methods, as well as engaging in dialogue with other professionals about best practices.

Ps. I have been known to occasionally pick up my flute from time to time, so all that practice doesn’t go completely down the drain!

Editor's Note:
"Why I Teach Sex Ed" profiles sexuality educators throughout the nation. This column appears each Monday. If you teach sex ed and would like to tell your story, send your submission, in 350-700 words, to Bill@SexEdStore.com.

A New Era of Teaching Safer Sex!

2012-01-19T17:58:00.001-05:00

by Bill Taverner

Both volumes of the preliminary draft of Teaching Safer Sex, 3rd ed. are now in the hands of our editorial advisory board, as well as other experts in sexuality education, and our copyeditor. So for the first time since I dove into this project full-force a year ago, I am finding myself trying to say goodbye to old routines, like 10-hour days typing away at Starbucks and Panera Bread Company --- places that became so familiar with me they greeted me the same way the gang used to greet Norm when he entered Cheers. I'll miss the odd experience of writing a book in the Facebook generation. Whenever I was stumped for a citation, one of my Facebook friends would invariably have a citation at their fingertips! I'll also miss my 6-hour Skype meetings with co-editor Dr. Susan Milstein. Those were fun! Sometimes it was about pedagogy. Sometimes it was about gathering the most recent facts. And sometimes it was debates over which was the "right" font. (Our copyeditor informs me that Dr. Milstein won that argument.)

So, what is Teaching Safer Sex, and what's so new about it? It's an expanded third edition of the original work by Peggy Brick and colleagues that revolutionized safer sex education. If you are old enough to remember learning --- or teaching --- about the subject in the mid 1980s, you will surely remember an abundance of lectures about "t-cells" and "viral load". This is how STD-prevention education was done in the early years of HIV. Lots and lots of facts about a disease that everyone was just learning about.

Peggy knew that this wasn't what people really needed. Knowing the genetic composition of a virus had little to do with helping students develop the SKILLS to practice safer sex and take care of their sexual health. Peggy and her colleagues developed highly engaging, interactive, vibrant lessons and activities that helped people become more comfortable talking about condoms and other aspects of sexual health. The lessons challenged negative attitudes that were getting in the way of sexual health, such as "good girls don't carry condoms". The lessons were cognizant of varying degrees of readiness with respect to sexual activity and risk reduction.

The new edition carries on the tradition. It has beena privilege working with my friends and co-editors Dr. Milstein and Sue Montfort. We updated old lessons, developed new ones, and selected from (and then edited)dozens of submissions from outstanding sexuality educators nationwide. The result is 50 LESSONS in TWO VOLUMES! The new lessons exploreculture, inclusivity, relationships, sexting, sexual pleasure, and much more inan effort to continue to expand the scope of “sexual safety”.

And now we must wait while both volumes are reviewed by experts. We did hear back from two of our reviewers so far. Here is what they said:

"Teaching Safer Sex is a welcome collection of lessons that skillfully combine the fundamentals of safer sex education with the bold inclusion of relevant, timely, nuanced topics not found in existing teaching and learning materials. Thanks for filling the gaps in the conventional wisdom of contemporary, comprehensive safer sex education. We expect nothing less from the trailblazing team at the Center for Family Life Education!"

Maria Bakaroudis, MA, CSE, PhD (c)

International Sexuality Educator and United Nations Consultant

“Teaching Safer Sex is avaluable new resource for sexuality educators that are seeking dynamic,interactive lessons on cutting edge topics. The third edition includes toolsfor addressing online behavior, texting, and use of other digital media whichare critical for today’s youth and missing from many curricula. This manual isa welcome addition to the Center for Family Life Education’s terrific selectionof sex education resources.”

Leslie M. Kantor, MPH
Vice President for Education
Planned Parenthood Federation of America

After we implement feedback by reviewers, we expect to have the new edition in print in March. Meanwhile, I hope you’ll take a moment tocheck out the preliminary table of contents.

When you visit the website, we hope you'll appreciate that in this age of high-priced curricula that cost hundreds of dollars, we decided to keep Teaching Safer Sex at an affordable $55 per volume. And the full set is available at a special pre-order price of $80.

Moreover, please know that your purchase helpssupport the Sex Ed initiatives at the CFLE.

And, if you have any suggestions on new routines to replace Panera's, drop me a line!

Studying Sex

2012-01-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

Looking for further your academicstudies in human sexuality? Explorethese fine programs! If we missed any, send a note to Bill@SexEdStore.com andwe'll update and repost!

GRADUATE and UNDERGRADUATE PROGRAMS

American Academy of Clinical Sexologists

North Miami, FL

Ph.D. – pastoral clinical sexology

Prepares students for sex therapy certification in Florida (a requirement in FL if wanting to practice in this state). Emphasizes the importance of religion in providing therapy.

California State University – HumanSexuality Program - Center for Sex Research

Northridge,CA

Undergraduateminor in human sexuality

Involvescross-discipline studies. A practicum and fieldwork are required, addingexperience to knowledge. Houses unique library containing resources fromdifferent departments and topics on human sexuality.

Columbia University – Mailman School ofPublic Health

New York, NY

M.P.H. –sexuality and health

Equipsstudents with skills needed to address health issues, e.g., reproductivehealth, and child and adolescent health, related to sexuality through interdepartmentalstudies. (Note: Students applying forthe program are expected to have worked for 2 years in the field of publichealth, which can include undergraduate volunteer/practicum experiences).

Hofstra University – InterdisciplinaryStudies/Marriage & Family Counseling

New York, NY

M.A. –interdisciplinary studies/marriage & family counseling (plus familycounseling certification)

Providesskills needed for marriage/family counseling and introduces students tosexuality education, counseling and research.

Indiana University – Kinsey Institute

Bloomington,IN

Ph.D. minor- human sexuality; majors include counseling, education, health behavior,psychology, and sociology

Offersresearch programs investigating a variety of sex topics and a summer institutefor students who are not involved with the university. Houses one of the largest library holdings onhuman sexuality, as well as a sexuality art museum. Hosts seminars on sexuality and holds specialevents.

Institute for Advanced Study of HumanSexuality

SanFrancisco, CA

M.A., MPH,Ed. D., Ph.D., DHS (Doctor of Human Sexuality), plus certification options –human sexuality

Seeks totrain sexologists. Offers long-distancelearning. Certificate programs areunique to the Institute, e.g., erotology. Also, the Master’s program allows students to travel to Paris or Chinafor a cultural perspective on public health.

San Francisco State University Programin Human Sexuality

SanFrancisco, CA

M.A. – humansexuality.

Providesfoundation for sex counseling, teaching and research. Specializes in gay, lesbian, and bisexualstudies. Houses the Institute onSexuality, Social Inequality, and Health, the National Sexuality ResourceCenter, and the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality, plus has a summerinstitute. Also has undergraduate minors in human sexuality and LGBT studies.

University of Connecticut – Center forHIV Intervention & Prevention – Psychology Department

Storrs, CT

M.A., Ph.D.– social psychology with a specialization in HIV prevention

Conducts HIVrisk dynamics and prevention research.

University of Guelph – Department ofFamily Relations & Applied Nutrition

Guelph,Ontario, Canada

M.Sc. –couple and family therapy; Ph.D. – family relations and human development

Emphasizeschild/adolescent development, social/personality development, parent-childrelations, social gerontology, human sexuality, and marriage/family therapy.

University of Hawaii – Human SexualityProgram – Department of Social Work; Pacific Center for Sex and Society - Department of Anatomy and ReproductiveBiology

Honolulu, HI

M.A., Ph.D.- specializes in human sexuality counseling

Houses thePacific Center for Sex and Society, which provides research opportunities.

University of Minnesota – Department ofFamily Social Science

St. Paul, MN

M.A., Ph.D.- family social science; M.F.T. certification for clinical track

Specializesin marriage/family and sex therapy.

University of New Brunswick –Department of Psychology

Fredericton,New Brunswick, Canada

Ph.D. –psychology

Preparesstudents for clinical or experimental psychology involving human sexuality.

University of Quebec – Department ofSexology

Montreal,Quebec, Canada

B.A., M.A. –sexology

Focuses onsex education. Master’s levelencompasses sex therapy and research, plus more advanced sex education.

University of Utah – Department ofPsychology

Salt LakeCity, UT

Ph.D. –clinical psychology

Emphasizeshuman sexuality in research and clinical work.

University of Wisconsin – Departmentsof Psychology & Sociology

Madison, WI

Ph.D. –psychology or sociology

Focuses onhuman sexuality, especially sex research. Is part of a consortium where a student may study at University ofChicago, University of Minnesota or Wisconsin.

Widener University – Human Sexuality Program

Wayne, PA

M.Ed., Ed.D.– human sexuality education/clinical sexuality

Preparesprofessionals for sex education, consulting, research, and counseling. Alsooffers joint degree programs with Social work or Clinical Psychology. Programis both distance and work friendly in that human sexuality courses are offeredon weekends. One semester course is generally two weekends. Also providesopportunity to study abroad.

INTERNSHIPS and POST-DOCTORALPROGRAMS

University of California – Center forAIDS Prevention Studies

SanFrancisco, CA

Grantstraineeships in AIDS Prevention Studies.

University of Minnesota – Department ofFamily Practice and Community Health

Minneapolis,MN

Fellowshipsin human sexuality, dysfunction and disease prevention for post-doctorates inclinical psychology.

Conductssexuality research, provides sex education, offers clinical services for sexualand relationship problems, and promotes community sexual health via communityhealth initiatives. Houses the Centerfor Sexual Health and the Center for HIV/STI Intervention and Prevention Studies.

CONTINUING/PROFESSIONAL EDUCATIONPROGRAMS

AASECT

Washington,DC

Offers anannual sexuality conference with keynotes, plenaries, workshops, etc. focusingon various aspects of sexuality for educators, counselors, and therapists.

The Center for Family Life Education

Morristown,NJ

Offers anannual National Sex Ed Conference with keynotes, plenaries, workshops, etc.focusing exclusively on sexuality education.

www.SexEdConference.com

The Masters and Johnson Institute

St. Louis,MO

Does nothave an academic program, but provides training programs involving workshopsand, through special arrangements, practicum in residence that focus onrecovery from sexual trauma.

Robert Wood Johnson Medical School

Piscataway,NJ

Post-graduatetraining in relationship and sex therapy

Offers aweek-long sexuality course (40 hours) that’s not offered by any other program(counts as graduate credit if individual writes a paper).

Rutgers University – Post-GraduateTraining Program in Sex Therapy – Department of Psychiatry/Medical School

Piscataway,NJ

Hosts a10-month course, which meets for two hours on a weekly basis. Covers both assessment and treatment of allsexual dysfunctions. The second semester of the course offers supervision ofparticipants’ cases.

The Society for the Scientific Study ofSexuality

Allentown,PA

Offers anannual conference with keynotes, plenaries, workshops, etc. focusing primarilyon the research lens of sexuality.

Southern Connecticut State University

New Haven,CT

Graduatecourse in Human Sexuality, including a 15 hour SAR.

University of Michigan Sexual HealthCertificate Program

Ann Arbor,MI

15-monthcertificate program utilizes AASECT-recommended standards of learning,including six courses (90 hours) in sexuality education, SAR, and additionalhours of training specific to certification credentials in sexuality educator,sexuality counselor, and sex therapist.

Editor's Note:

This list is updated from a list ofprograms originally reported in the AASECT professional newsletter ContemporarySexuality. Thanks so much to Julian Collins, Planned Parenthood of SouthwestOhio, for providing updates.

Why I Teach Sex Ed: Getting Real, Boston, MA

2012-01-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

ByMatthew Lowe

Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts

Matthew Lowe

I teach Sex Ed because the Sex Edclassroom is the only secular educational space in which a student’sdevelopment as a whole person is directly addressed. If human sexuality werepurely scientific, the biology teacher could cover it, right after mitosis andmeiosis. But human sexuality is about the body, the mind, the developing self,and the complex of relationships and institutions that comprise the humanworld. Unlike other subjects which may be reduced to the abstract and factual, thetopics of human sexuality are intensely concrete and personal.

It may help the reader to understandthat I have only been teaching Sex Ed for four months; before that, I spent thelast five years teaching philosophy to teenagers in a religious setting. Adolescence is the perfect age for beginning to ask andanswer deep, personal questions, and my professional passion in life is forcreating fun environments for students to explore the questions that engagethem as intellectual, emotional, and social beings. I switched fields fromphilosophy to sexuality education in order to find a wider venue for engagingteenagers in lessons and discussions on personally relevant subjects.

Asa philosopher (lover of wisdom), I am especially drawn to PPLM’s Get Real:Comprehensive Sex Education That Works Curriculum on account of itscommitment to social-emotional learning (SEL) skills (Educators trained in Get Real can view these lessons here: 6.1,7.1,8.1).To me, the SEL skills are the keys to a healthy sense of self,relationships, and belonging in the world, and thus, of course, to a healthysexuality. I am proud to teach a curriculum that effectively produces healthy sexual beings and, along theway, healthy human beings. You can learn more about the Get Real curriculum at www.getrealeducation.org.

Editor's Note:
"Why I Teach Sex Ed" profiles sexuality educators throughout the nation. This column appears each Monday. If you teach sex ed and would like to tell your story, send your submission, in 350-700 words, to Bill@SexEdStore.com.

Reporting Back from the Sex Ed Conference

2012-01-13T08:30:00.000-05:00

Charlie Glickman

by Charlie Glickman

Last [month], the Center for Family Life Education (CFLE) hosted the Sex Ed Conference and it was an amazing time! There’s nothing like a few hundred sex educators sitting around, sharing tips, and telling stories.

Although my work focuses on working with adults while many of my colleagues work with youth or young adults, I got a lot out of the presentations. After all, many of the challenges people face show up in similar ways, regardless of how old they are. And I find that a lot of adults have to take some time to deal with the misinformation or lack of education from their childhoods and teen years, so the more I understand the sex ed needs of kids, the easier it is for me to help grown-ups.

I was really impressed with the number of workshops and presentations and as always happens at these events, it was hard to choose which ones to attend. But some of the highlights included The Early Years: Promoting Healthy Development in Young Children, which was inspired by Robie Harris’ excellent guides It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health and It’s Not the Stork: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends If you’re a parent or you just have kids in your life, check them out. Part of what I especially liked about this workshops was the observation that because most people think of sexuality as an adult experience, we often forget that we need to talk with children about it. Gender, body image, personal and cultural values, intimacy, love- these are all deeply connected to sexuality and when we don’t make them part of teaching kids, they grow up with a lot more confusion. Even if kids don’t recall everything you tell them, they remember that you talked about it and know that they can come to you when they have questions. As the presenter pointed out, silence about sex is still communication about your beliefs or discomfort, so it doesn’t get you off the hook. I was also struck by the observation that many parents start planning for their kids’ education as soon as they’re born, so why doesn’t that include sex ed?

Next up, I sat in on “Was It Good for You?” – Evaluating Your Sexuality Education Program, which was taught by Kurt Conklin, the Program Director at the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. It’s important to assess sex ed programs for a lot of reasons- to show whether you’ve had the effect you want, to measure the value of a program, and to ensure ongoing support and funding for successful classes. With all of the ways in which sex ed is attacked, being able to prove its impact is important.

The next presentation I went to was Sex and Happiness because I’ve always been struck by how little discussion of happiness there is in sexuality education. It’s often assumed that if you have an orgasm, you’re satisfied, but there’s a big difference between pleasure and happiness. As the presenters pointed out, happiness is the result of the story we tell ourselves about what happens to us. I was especially intrigued by their observation that one source of happiness is the depth and breadth of our relationships. Not just our sexual/romantic ones, but all of our relationships with the people around us.

Another point they made is that there are a lot of common “happiness blockers” including:

Saying or thinking “I’d be happy if only…”
Thinking that we “should” or “have to” be a certain way in order to deserve happiness
Worrying about “what if”

I see all of these show up in people’s sex lives and relationships and while it may sound trite, the more we can let go of thinking that we need to bargain or buy happiness, the better off we are.

After dinner, we watched Let’s Talk About Sex, an excellent documentary about how attitudes in the US about sex affect teens. Given that sex is used to sell everything while information about it is withheld from young people, we end up with skyrocketing rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, which costs us billions of dollars. The film does a great job of capturing the different facets of these issues without overwhelming viewers with statistics or information. It’s really quite good and here’s the trailer:

On the second day of the conference, I started off at Peggy Brick’s Ten No-Fail Strategies for a Lifespan Approach to Sexuality Education. Ms Brick was the Executive Director for CFLE and was also the President of the Consortium on Sexuality and Aging at Widener University. I was especially interested in this one because most sex ed focuses on the here-and-now, which leaves people unprepared for the many joys and changes that getting older can bring to sexuality. It was really wonderful to see some of the exercises and activities that she’s developed to help people think about how their sexuality might change or how it might fit into their life story. For example, one exercise was a timeline and we each imagined a person’s life path, marking on the timeline what kinds of relationships they might engage in, when they might have children, what kinds of safer sex/contraception choices they might make at different ages, and so forth. But even more fruitful was the conversations that arose when we compared timelines. It was a great way to explore our assumptions and values in a really safe way.

Next up was my presentation How to Be a Top Presenter, which is my workshop on the principles and practices of sex education. In my experience, a lot of educators pick up techniques by watching other teachers but they might not understand why certain tools work the way they do. So I really enjoy explaining some of the ways that learning theories, adult development, sexuality, and presentation skills all come together. I had a great time! Plus, my parents came to watch, which was the first time they’ve ever been able to see me teach.

Since lots of people couldn’t make it to the conference, we were live tweeting our little fingers off and it was really good to see how many folks were helping spread the word. I took some screenshots of the tweets so if you’d like to see what folks were saying, here’s day one and day two. Start at the bottom and work your way up from there. You may need to click on the images to enlarge them enough to read.

So there you have it. Conferences like this one can sometimes be a mixed bag but CFLE did an amazing job of it and it seemed pretty flawless. If you want to be sure to find out about next year’s event, follow them on twitter or check out their website. I’ll see you there next year!

Source: magazine.goodvibes.com (http://s.tt/14Suo)

Your Kid Looks at Porn. Now What?

2012-01-11T08:10:00.000-05:00

by Marty Klein

I was recently interviewed by internet safety expert Dr. Larry Magid for a piece on kids looking at porn. We had such an interesting conversation I thought I’d write about this myself.

Of course, 700 words can’t possibly cover every aspect of this issue. But let’s begin.

Given the typical danger-oriented media coverage of pornography, it’s easy for parents to feel terribly anxious about this issue. To listen to Newsweek or “morality” groups, you’d think that every American boy is in danger of becoming a porn addict—an obsessive, aggressive loser who hates women, and eventually destroys himself.

So let’s all take a deep breath and calm down.

Here’s what we know: All children are sexual. That means they have sexual feelings and thoughts. Naturally, six-year-olds don’t think about intercourse, and thirteen-year-olds can’t imagine the subtleties of mutual arousal and satisfaction. But every human is born a sexual being. How parents deal with their feelings about their children’s sexuality will shape how they feel about, and what they do about, their kid looking at porn.

So how do you, Mom or Dad, feel about your kid masturbating? That is, after all, why he or she looks at porn more than once or twice. If you can’t handle that, the kid’s use of porn will of course be unacceptable—but beside the point. Whether it’s about kids’ use or adults’ use, too many conversations about whether porn is harmful to users or society is really about the unacceptability of masturbation. If that’s your position, be honest and say “I don’t want my kid masturbating to porn because I don’t want my kid masturbating.”

Even parents who accept the reality that their kids are sexual and masturbate can be concerned about porn. What if it’s violent? What if it encourages values of which I disapprove? What if it’s confusing?

The answer to all three questions is: it might.

The porn your kid watches might be violent—but it probably isn’t. Most porn isn’t—for the simple reason that there’s a limited market for that.

The porn your kid watches might encourage values of which you disapprove—but it probably doesn’t. Most porn shows men and women as partners, wanting pleasure and wanting to give pleasure. Porn isn’t a love story, so if you disapprove of people having sex before marriage, you may object to your kid watching almost any sexual depiction, whether it’s porn or Desperate Housewives.

But if your kid watches porn, he or she might easily get confused: Is that what sex is really like? Is that what most people look like naked? Do strangers really have sex together so easily? Are some people really rough with each other in bed? (This is where you explain that just as kids play games on the ballfield, pretending to be mean or brave when they really aren’t, some adults play games in bed, pretending to be bossy or submissive when they really aren’t.)

Questions like these deserve answers. And if you remember your childhood—before the internet—you know that kids develop questions (and confusion) about sex even without porn. After all, you did.

The response to “my kid’s watching porn, what do I do?” is—you talk about it. You ask lots of gentle questions. Your kid squirms. You explain stuff. You squirm. No one’s comfortable talking about this. You talk anyway. That’s what parents do—they talk about subjects even when they’re uncomfortable.

Just like kids need media literacy, kids need porn literacy. They need to understand that they’re watching actors playing roles, not documentaries. They need to understand that just as Glee and Harry Potter are edited, so are porn films. None of these media products is an accurate portrayal of real life. For example, porn usually omits two crucial parts of sex—the feelings and the talking.

All of this argues for a pre-existing parent-child relationship, doesn’t it? No one wants their first parent-child conversation about sex to be about porn.

So make 2012 the year you raise the subject of sexuality with each of your kids. Both you and they will benefit. And if at some point you need to discuss porn with them, you’ll already be in the middle of a loving, long-term dialogue.

Here's How to Support a Gay Child

2012-01-10T08:25:00.002-05:00

By David M. Hall

(CNN) - During the final Republican presidential debate in New Hampshire, Rick Santorum was asked how he would respond if his son told him he was gay.

“I would love him as much as I did the second before he said it,” Santorum responded.

He received applause for this statement, which is surprising since loving our children is expected and should not merit applause. But further inquiry is necessary to understand whether Santorum would support his son in a way that would help him lead a healthy, productive, happy life.

In a 2003 interview, Santorum was asked how he would respond if one of his children were gay, and he stated that he would “point out to them what is the right thing to do. And we have many temptations to do things we shouldn’t do. That doesn't mean we have to give in to those temptations... it doesn't mean you have to submit." Millions of parents across this country have similar feelings to Santorum. What Santorum and like-minded parents need to know is the immense harm that this response can cause their LGBT children.

Far and Away: Teaching with a Music Video

2012-01-09T07:47:00.004-05:00

By Alethea Thompson

Sexual Health Educator, Planned Parenthood of Central and Greater NorthernNew Jersey

Sex Education can be eye-opening to high school students, as well ascollege students. I feel students relateto music more often. There is a video that I have had the opportunity to see several times. My daughter, who is 22, brought it tomy attention. It is about two men who are in a relationship and the beginning shows the men in love, and one of their mothers who accepts the relationship. However, when the couple goes to public places, such as the park, and they are holding hands, one motherpulls her children away from them and make negative facial expressions. Another time, the couple is harassed by a group ofmen, and later, when one of the men was walking through the neighborhood alone, he was beat up and died. His partner committed suicide.

This is a verydeep video about men in a same-sex relationship. The artist ofthe song, "Far Away," is Marsha Ambrosius, and her song was inspired by one of her own friends who committed suicide. It is such a beautiful, but sadsong. It showed how people can bejudgmental and go as far as being not only verbal abusive but physical abusive. This kind of behavior can have a very negative impact on peoples’ lives. I feelthis video can be implemented into an educational program.

Abstinence, Sex, and Virginity: Do They Mean What We Think They Mean?

2012-01-04T12:48:00.001-05:00

The current issue of the American Journal of Sexuality Education is a special, themed issue on abstinence. One of the articles, "Abstinence, Sex, and Virginity: Do They Mean What We Think They Mean?" by Jason Hans and Claire Kimberly, includes an analysis of what teens and professionals mean by "sex" and "abstinence". Below is the abstract and selected tables. The complete article is available for purchase here. And the table of contents for the special issue can be found here.

From Hans, J. & Kimberly, C. (2011)."Abstinence, Sex, and Virginity: Do They Mean What We Think They Mean?" American Journal of Sexuality Education 6(4):329-342.

Abstract

Ambiguous definitions concerning which behaviors constitute sex, abstinence, and virginity may lead to arbitrary interpretations of meaning or miscommunication, which could be particularly problematic in health care, educational, and research contexts. The purpose of this study was to examine and compare definitions of sex, abstinence, and virginity between samples of 454 university students and 126 AASECT-certified sexuality professionals. Compared to the AASECT professionals, students were less likely to classify 10 of 11 behaviors as sex, they were more likely to indicate that oral-genital contact maintains one's virginity, and they were more likely

to indicate that oral-genital contact and hand-genital contact is consistent with abstinent behavior. Relative to previous studies, these findings also suggest that conceptualizations of abstinence and the classification of oral-genital contact may be changing among young adults. Overall, the primary implication of these findings is that sexual health professionals should be mindful of the interpretative latitude afforded to individuals when using terms intended to refer to a range of sexual behaviors rather than explicitly identifying the targeted behaviors.

Table 1. Percentage of respondents indicating that vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, oral-genital contact, and genital touching is abstinent behavior, maintains virginity, or is not sex.
Study	N	Vaginal Intercourse	Anal Intercourse	Oral-Genital Contact	Genital Touching
Abstinent Behavior
Bersamin et al. (2007)	480	11.9	14.3	33.4	44.2
Horan et al. (1998)	1,101	10.2	24.3	36.9	61.2
Maintains Virginity
Bersamin et al. (2007)	453	5.8	16.1	70.6	83.5
Carpenter (2001)	61	0.0	44.0	72.1	–
Not Sex
Bogart et al. (2000)	223	6.5	7.3	56.4	–
Gute et al. (2008)	463	0.0	19.2	60.3	84.3
Hans et al. (2010)	477	2.5	20.2	80.7	88.5
Sanders & Reinisch (1999)	599	0.5	19.0	59.9	85.5

Table 3. Percentage of the definitions given on sex, abstinence, and virginity
Descriptions	Students (n = 409)	Professionals (n = 111)
Abstinence
No penile-vaginal intercourse	56	29
No heterosexual penile-anal intercourse	43	16
No homosexual penile-anal intercourse	41	17
No oral-genital contact	20	14
No sexual arousal	12	20
No genital contact (vaginal or penile)	11	29
Waiting until marriage	6	2
No anal contact	5	12
No fondling breasts	5	5
No pregnancy	2	7
No orgasm	2	2
A subjective experience	0	13
STI/STD prevention	0	3
Virginity
No penile-vaginal intercourse	84	76
No heterosexual penile-anal intercourse	48	36
No homosexual penile-anal intercourse	48	41
No oral-genital contact	3	9
Pure and/or innocent	3	2
No genital contact (vaginal or penile)	2	5
No sexual arousal (no sexual behavior or activity)	1	4
Socially constructed term	0	6
No orgasm	0	4
Sex
Penile-vaginal intercourse	89	34
Heterosexual penile-anal intercourse	55	21
Homosexual penile-anal intercourse	54	21
Oral-genital contact	10	32
Genital contact (vaginal or penile)	5	39
Orgasm	2	5
Sexual arousal (sexual behavior or activity)	1	19
Anal contact	1	8
Fondling breasts	0	4
A subjective experience	0	4
Masturbation	0	3

Sex and Nature: Lessons on Diversity from Animal Sexual Behavior

2012-01-04T10:27:00.002-05:00

by Brian Flaherty, Partners in Sex Education

One of the truly enjoyable things about the CFLE conference is that theprograms tend to be created and presented by professional educators – by peoplewho spend a good amount of time thinking about the best way to presentinformation so that they reach a variety of learning styles all at once. Most of the presentations I went to were doneusing engaging activities that had participants moving around, learning fromeach other as well as from the presenter.

For example, “Sex and Nature: Lessons on Diversity from Animal Sexual Behavior,” oneof the many highlights of the conference, began with pairs of participantsbeing given slips of paper. Some of theslips described sexual traits and peculiarities of particular animals, &other named the animals themselves. Wethe participants had to get up – in pairs – and find the pair who had the slipthat matched ours. Ours – my neighborand I – described a soft animal with a penis as long as it’s body, whose matechewed off the penis after sex; we hunted around for the pair with a slip ofpaper that read “banana slug.” Once wefound the slip of paper that matched ours, we had to describe it to thegroup. The genius of this activity: itgot us moving around, talking to and learning from one another. Another activity in this workshop was acreative visualization of the production of a “swollen ovary” of a tree –culminating with our eating a piece of that ovary: an apple slice. The presenter , Marlene Pray, was fantastic –varying the ways in which she brought us great and useful information. Sure: we all learned about the greatdiversity of nature, that “no specieshas been found in which homosexual behavior has not been shown to exist”(providing a great retort to too many quick-to-judge students). But we also had a great time while learningthese things, reinforcing what we took away.

Birds Do It. Bees Do It. And People with Disabilities Do It.

2012-01-03T10:50:00.003-05:00

by Alie Kriofske Mainella

IndependenceFirst, Milwaukee, WI

I was lucky enough to attend my first ever NationalSex Ed Conference in New Jersey last month and I learned so much. I work with young people with disabilitiesand a big part of my job is teaching boundaries and personal space, healthyrelationships, safe dating and sexuality for people with disabilities.

When my colleagues and friends heard I was going, many askedme, “Will there be disability specific stuff there?” And my response was always, “I doubt it. It’sa general sex ed conference and I am not sure that people are thinking aboutthat nationally. I hope so though.”

Well, I have to say, WAY TO GO Centerfor Family Life Education! Not only were there two disability specific breakoutsessions (Relationships and Sexuality for Adolescents on the Autism Spectrumwith Nancy Nowell and Sexuality Education and Developmental Disabilities: Whatworks, What Doesn’t with Katherine McLaughlin and Erin Livensparger) but in theThursday morning keynote, sexuality and disability was a BIG part of thetalk. Christian Thrasher, director ofthe Center of Excellencefor Sexual Health at Morehouse School of Medicine in Atlanta, Georgia,talked about the 2001 Surgeon General’s call to action. The Call to Action to Promote Sexual Health and Responsible Sexual Behavior specificallyasked that those with disabilities who have, in the past, been ignored assexual and have been historically abused or exploited at worst. As a person who broaches this topic withteens and adults with disabilities on a daily basis, I was so happy to seethis.

I was impressed with the conference as a whole, as aneducator and professional, but really pleased specifically with the inclusionof persons with disabilities.

Sex Ed Learning at All Ages!

2012-01-02T11:26:00.001-05:00

by Robie H. Harris

Howlucky was I to be able to be at and attend workshops at and be the openingkeynote speaker at the CFLE's 2011 National Sex Ed Conference! Very lucky! Despitethe horrendous rain storm on Wednesday night, people arrived and were full of greatquestions after my keynote, in which I spoke about the times we live in, andthe fact that children and teens still need honest and scientifically accurateinformation about their bodies and healthy sexuality. The measure of a greatconference is if you leave learning something that you did not know before orclarifying or questioning something you had been thinking about. In VickiHadd-Wissler's workshop, "The Early Years: Promoting Healthy Development in Young Children," I realized more than ever that by going to the settingparents already have a connection to, their church or synagogue, or theirchild's day-care or pre-school, makes it easier for the parent to attend theworkshop you are giving, and in Vicki's case, it makes it easier to reach parentsand talk with them about why it matters and how to talk with their youngchildren about sexuality issues. This also validated the work I do and amcontinuing to do for young children, and gave me another path to reach parentswith my two books for younger children, WHO HAS WHAT? and IT'S NOT THE STORK!In Jennifer Johnson and Leslie Kantor's workshop on how PPFA is usingtechnology for older kids and teens, I came away convinced that getting toolder kids and teen via cell phone with information about sexual health issues,again, going to where the kids "are at," makes such solid sense andstarted my thinking of how to get the information in my books for olderchildren—IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL and even IT'S SO AMAZING to older kids andteens. Thanks, Bill and everyone at CFLE for making us learners again.

Feel Your Balls! Teaching about Testicular Cancer

2011-12-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

By Megara Bell, Partners in Sex Education

The best workshop that I went to at CFLE’s National Sex Ed Conferencewas one that I didn’t even intend to go to. A workshop that I couldn’t have predictedwould be as interesting or as relevant as it was.

I passed Matthew Morales on my way to another workshop and heseemed so enthusiastic that I made a last minute change of plans. His workshop, "The Testicular Whisperer," ontesticular cancer self-exam, was riveting. We learned all about the complicated and fascinating anatomy oftesticles. Testicles are spoken ofsymbolically, and humorously, with reverence and scorn, but rarely explained asan anatomical and reproductive miracle. While we talk to women about breast cancer, breast health, breastself-exam, while we devote much needed attention to the important topic ofbreast cancer, we never give testicular health its due. But testicular cancer is easy to check for,and has the highest survivability, provided it is caught in time, and is theonly cancer that affects primarily young men. Testicle cancer is the #1 cancer killer for men in their 20s and 30s,and is so easy to detect. Since themajority of my students are young men, why wouldn’t I be teaching testicular care?

"Snow Balls" illustration by
Demetri Martin on WhoSay

How to choose a workshop? Forget the title, maybe even the subject. Choose the workshop with thebest and most passionate presenter and you will never go wrong. Thank you, Testicular Whisperer, for enthusiasticallyadvocating for men’s health and shining a light into the drawers of young meneverywhere.

Learn more testicular cancer facts at http://www.tc-cancer.com/facts.html and here Tom Green (comedian, testicular cancer survivor) sing "Feel Your Balls" here.

A Sex Ed Movement

2011-12-23T11:12:00.000-05:00

by Cindy LeeAlves

Although Ihave heard many great things about Bill Taverner and the CFLE in the past, thiswas my first time attending their NationalSex Ed Conference. I attended not only the entire conference, but apre-conference workshop (“Sex Ed Games that Teach”with Melissa Keyes DiGioia & Jessica Shields, CHES), and was very pleasedwith what was offered. Kudos to all who contributed to the variety of workshopsand keynotes offered; they truly reflected how diverse and multidisciplinaryhuman sexuality is. Regardless of whether you are an independent educator, an instructorat a community based organization, or a medical practitioner, you leftfulfilled and ready to tackle some teachable moments of your own. I congregatedwith some fabulous people from all over the globe who contribute substantiallyto our field, many of which are fellow Widener alumni. It feels great toconsider such noteworthy individuals as my colleagues and I left the conferenceinspired and reassured that I am a part of a movement that affects us ALL insuch a positive way.

In “Sex andHappiness”, a workshop facilitated by Molly Stranahan, Psy.D. & BillTaverner, M.A., CSE, Dr. Stranahan stated “Happiness isn’t a result of whathappens to us … it is a result of the story we tell ourselves about whathappens to us.” There are indeed instances where being in the human sexualityfield can be discouraging and saddening - opposition fighting againstcomprehensive sexuality education, populations being seen as “deviant”,professionals not taken as seriously by cohorts, media, etc. However, an eventsuch as the CFLE conference should motivate those with such “stories” to ignitetheir passion for change and progression. Let us use all those negative forcesas fuel to continue all of our dedicated, extensive work. Together, we are apowerhouse!

Sex Educators: These are My People!

2011-12-21T09:21:00.002-05:00

by Amy Kramer, The National Campaign to Prevent Teen andUnplanned Pregnancy

“These are my people.” That’s what I thought as soonas I walked in to the CFLE's National Sex Ed Conference. It was the first time I’dbeen to this annual event, though hopefully not the last. Not onlywas I able to sit in on some really interesting workshops , but I was fortunateenough receive an award on behalf of The National Campaign, and to deliver akeynote about using MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” as a teaching tool with teens.

“16 and Pregnant” is a topic I’ve discussed many times inmany settings over the past few years. Still, this may have been myfavorite presentation yet – not just because the feedback was good and thefollow-up questions were great – but because it is particularly empowering tobe in a room full of colleagues who have made sex education their life’swork. Sex educators are the friendliest bunch of folks you couldever hope to meet. Plus, it’s refreshing to be with people who cansay “vagina” without blushing.

I feel more optimistic about the future when I know thereare dedicated professionals intent on finding ways to reach young people (andold people, but young people especially) with helpful messages about sex,pregnancy prevention, contraception, and healthy relationships. Not justthe biology lessons, but the other parts of the puzzle that are perhaps evenmore meaningful and relevant to the audience. After all, sex isn’t onlyabout body parts – it’s about feelings and hopes and dreams. When itcomes to sex, what you don’t know can put you at risk and can affect thelives of those around you.

Many thanks to the good people at the CFLE, the innovativeworkshop presenters, and the smart participants who made at the conference aterrific success.

Sex Ed Conference Virgin

2011-12-19T15:05:00.001-05:00

by Jennifer Hill, The College of New Jersey

CFLE’s National Sex Ed Conference was the most useful,engaging, and interesting professional sex ed conference I have ever attended.

Okay, full disclosure: it’s the first sex ed conference Ihave ever attended. Unlike many theattendees there, I am new to the sex ed professional world. Of course, I’ve been volunteering withvarious Planned Parenthood’s for years, and I want to make sex ed my career,but I haven’t figured out how to make that happen yet. Which is why, when I read about 300 sex edprofessionals from around the country (and world!) all coming together in thesame place for three days, you can be sure it took me less than3 minutes to sign up. I thought aboutall the amazing networking opportunities, and I was absolutely right.

The thing I love about sex ed professionals is that everyoneloves what they are doing, everyone loves telling you about how much they lovewhat they are doing, and everyone wants you to be a sex ed professional andlove it too. As far as networking goes,CFLE’s attendees were a pretty fantastic bunch. I was impressed by the breadth of topics covered at the workshops andhow engaging the speakers were, to be sure. However, I was most impressed by the conference attendees and howwilling they were to offer advice, share knowledge, and trade e-mailaddresses. Thanks to everyone I spoketo, and to all the wonderful presenters. You can be sure I’ll be back next year!

The Golden Brick Award, Honoring Susie Wilson

2011-12-18T14:12:00.000-05:00

by Peggy Brick

Editor's Note: Following is a transcript of the remarks given by Peggy Brick on December 9, 2011 at the CFLE National Sex Ed Conference, in honor of Susie Wilson, recipient of the 2011 Golden Brick Award.

Susie Wilson! Visionary! Reformer! Advocate! Catalyst! Sexuality Educator par excellence! What a joy it is for me to celebrate you with the Golden Brick Award, one of many awards recognizing your unique contribution to the sexual health and happiness of adolescents in this confusing society. What a legacy you have created and continue to create!

For thirty-three years you have led us, inspired us, and pushed us to act in behalf of the sexual rights of young people. From that fateful day at a New Jersey Board of Education meeting when you were the only Board Member to ask questions following a research report on pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases among New Jersey teens until today when you continue to ask probing questions and promote sexual sanity on your New Jersey Newsroom Blog, you have never stopped. Tireless, determined, unflappable, you have persistently articulated your outrage at the forces that would demean adolescents and deprive them of the education they need. Writing, speaking, organizing, fund-raising, coalition-building, you led the way for thousands of us educators in schools and agencies throughout the state and the nation. You are the model of the multiple roles a leader must play in this seemingly endless battle in behalf of young people of this nation.

I refresh my memory by reviewing the manual created in 2003 to celebrate the Network’s “20 Years of Great Sex (Ed)”. Here is evidence that shows you really are a miracle worker. On the front cover: a list of 37 collaborating organizations and I’ll bet you had personal contacts with the leaders of every one. And the back cover lists 60 state and national foundations and government agencies that had supported the work of the Network. Sixty! However do you do it? Oh! You have connections – living there in Princeton with your dear husband, the well-known, politically sophisticated, and ever supportive Don Wilson. Sometimes it seems you know everyone important! How wonderful that you are fearless in promoting your cause, our cause, with so many important people in such important places.

Perhaps most exciting for me is the way you created an organization that honors young people by respecting their ability to take responsibility and make wise decisions. Susie, you have accomplished with teens the “Critical Consciousness” Paulo Freire, educator of Brazilian peasants, calls for in his book Pedagogy of the Oppressed. While American teens are not oppressed in the same way as were Freire’s peasants, they are oppressed by an exploitative sexual environment against which they must struggle for knowledge, rights and values. I believe the projects of the Network for Family Life Education, now Answer, promote Critical Consciousness.” Sex, Etc., being “by teens, for teens,” is a perfect model. Teens identify the issues that concern them, take varied positions on controversial topics, and write on subjects almost no one else has dared to tackle. How brave you have been: validating adolescents and strengthening their ability to make positive life decisions. Best of all, over the years you recruited a superb staff who have taken your vision and implemented it in ever more creative ways. How proud you must be of Answer today, a powerful force for a truly comprehensive sexuality education.

Susie, thank you, too, for the many ways you have validated individual professionals working in the field. So many of us have “Thank You, Susie” stories to tell. One of hundreds examples is my own enlistment in the cause. When in 1980 you accomplished the New Jersey Mandate for Family Life Education, I was on the Board of Planned Parenthood of Bergen County – later merged to become this famous PPGNNJ now celebrating your achievements! We had a sexuality department that was soon renamed: The Center for Family Life Education. In order to implement the Mandate, teachers everywhere needed some education and soon I, was teaching hundreds of them in a graduate course, “Family Life and Sexuality Education” at a variety of high schools, credited by Jersey City State College. When I retired as a high school teacher and became Director of Education at Planned Parenthood we began developing our sex positive teaching manuals, and 26 years ago we held the First Annual Family Life Education Conference – all thanks to Susie Wilson’s Mandate! But for me there’s even more. For my retirement, you designed a Center for Family Life Education needlepoint; for my 70th birthday party you travelled from Princeton with a huge poster board covered with photos and articles you’d dug up of long forgotten workshops and conferences; and when I founded the Sexuality and Aging Consortium four years ago, you became a Member, my trusted advisor, and a key contributor. Susie you’re a genius at celebrating people and empowering them.

I wonder how many of you have a “Thank You Susie Wilson” story you’d love to tell. I know she’d love to read it; send it to: Susie.Wilson@comcast.net!

With thanks from us all and from thousands of unknown adolescents nationwide, here’s a Golden Brick for Susie Wilson.

Editor's Note: The Golden Brick Award, established in 2005 and named for Peggy Brick honors outstanding leaders in sexuality educaiton. Past recipients include Eva S. Goldfarb, Sue Montfort, Carole Adamsbaum, Robert T. Francoeur, Joan O'Leary, and Peggy Brick.

Sex Ed Conference Reflections from a Religious Educator

2011-12-15T09:18:00.000-05:00

Tuli Patel

By Tuli Patel

Director of Religious Education

The Unitarian Church in Summit

This year there were no picketers, no loud angry voices, no police cars by the dozens. A little disappointing at first, but I was thankful for the lack of fear as I walked to my car in the parking lot in the dark.

I’ve been attending the Sex Ed Conference hosted by the Center For Family Life Education for five years or so. It’s always the highlight of the fall for me – I facilitate Our Whole Lives, a comprehensive sexuality education curriculum at my place of work – The Unitarian Church in Summit.

What makes these two days so special is to be in a room with like-minded people who are committed to sexuality education, regardless of venue. Instead of arguing where sex ed should occur – homes, schools, or houses of worship – we come together to consider how to make it better, more appropriate, and of contemporary value for our youth. We attend workshops that not only dispel some commonly held beliefs (not all teens are sexting- the statistic is actually only 1% if those over 18 are not counted) but also hear of new methods and techniques – not based on fear or abstinence, but on a real examination of values. Listening to Amy Kramer of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy speak of how to use the MTV show "16 and Pregnant" to facilitate conversations among teens about their decision making is not only inspiring, but has real life applications.

The program I facilitate – Our Whole Lives – has been described as “The Gold Standard” in sexuality education. It is a publicly available comprehensive sex ed program in the US – and yet, it is a well-kept secret. I want its impact to be far more wide-reaching than it is; instead of reaching the 30 or so kids that go through it every year with me, I want to bring it to the millions. The conference reinforces my commitment and opens doors of possibilities in making this happen.

Sex Is Normal!

2011-12-13T16:08:00.001-05:00

by Sheri Winston, CNM, RN, BSN, LMT

IntimateArtsCenter.com

I’m just back from the CFLE Sex Ed Conference and reminded of a few things. One – I love hanging out with other people who think sex is normal, that talking about sex is normal and that learning about sex is, absolutely normal.

Being not just a teacher, but a perpetual student, I, as always, learned new things. Here are a few gems that I picked up.

The first was from the excellent Sex and Happiness presentation, given by Molly Stranahan & Bill Taverner. They spoke of the distinction between happiness and pleasure. Although I quibble with the idea that pleasure is necessarily fleeting (after all, I teach how to have extended orgasms!), I really do get that happiness is a sustained and sustainable condition that includes long-term satisfaction, contentment and purpose.

The other piece that stays with me is from Al Vernacchio’s excellent presentation, You’re Out, Baseball! A New Model for Teaching the Concept of Sexual Activity. I’ve been a critic of the baseball metaphor for sex for a very long time, while fascinated that it still holds such sway. But I hadn’t spent much time recently dissecting the ‘sex as baseball’ model. In his entertaining and informative presentation, I was reminded about one of the fundamentally problematic issues. The baseball-sex model is inherently sexist and dehumanizing since it makes the women the field the game is played upon while the man is the player. I very much appreciated his alternate model. (I’m not telling what that is – it will ruin the plot for you if you ever get the privilege of enjoying him present). However, his model is cooperative, pleasure-filled, egalitarian and delicious!

I look forward to future tasty, informative and useful CFLE conferences – a place for all us sex geeks to share, learn and get our batteries charged up to head back out into the world where sex is not yet normal.€

Not Just for High School Anymore: Sex Ed Across the Lifespan

2011-12-13T11:38:00.000-05:00

Note: The following interview is reprinted with permission of HPV News, a publication of the American Social Health Association. To register for a free email subscription to ASHA’s HPV News, visit www.hpvnews.org.

Interview with Bill Taverner

Sex ed. For many of us that conjures thoughts of the health or gym teacher fumbling through notes on the birds and the bees. The modern variety of sex ed has been much in the news the last few years, as abstinence-only education has received much attention (and many dollars, too).

Sex ed means much more than what adolescents might be learning in school, of course, and this is spurred by a growing realization that we need sexual health information our entire lives. The notion that older people have sex lives isn’t as quaint or as easily dismissed as in years past. The age of Viagra® allows countless men to stand at attention and report for duty even as they qualify for the senior menu at most any chain restaurant. Then there’s the phenomenon of “cougars” – older women hooking up with younger guys – that has such cultural cache it’s spawned everything from television shows to niche online dating sites. The idea that “40 is the new 30” has been stretched to the point that even those in their sixth and seventh decades look, feel, and act “younger” than in generations past.

Those of us who were in sex ed classes in the Carter era and earlier recall that while we talked at length about pregnancy prevention, very little time was spent on sexually transmitted infections (STIs). For fellows in those generations, the sexual horror scenario involved knocking a girl up, not that they might get the clap while doing so. The girls probably felt much the same way. Those of us conditioned to think of condoms primarily as birth control, then, might find it easy to ditch what we called the “rubber insurance policy” as anxieties over unwanted pregnancy fade.

And what of sexuality issues beyond anatomy and physiology of doing the deed? Body image and relationship quality are also important. That’s a lot to deal with!

Bill Taverner, Executive Director of the Center for Family Life Education, recently spoke with HPV News and shared his thoughts on the evolving world of sex ed, including the way we educate those in mid-life and beyond. The Center for Family Life Education (part of one of the very top Planned Parenthoods in the country) [hosted] its 26th annual SEX ED conference on December 7-9 in Somerset, NJ. Themed “Sex Ed Through the Lifespan,” the conference will feature four expert keynote speakers, an array of 42 concurrent workshops accepted through peer review, and a screening of the documentary film “Let’s Talk about Sex”.

Thinking about the theme of this year’s conference, Sex ed throughout the lifespan, how do we talk to people in their 40s, 50s, and beyond about sex. What is it we need to offer them?

Bill Taverner: Not all adults understand that their sexuality changes as they grow older. Their bodies change, their sexual response changes, their relationships often change, as may their attitudes and values. Changes are often addressed through a “problem lens,” with pharmaceuticals as the solution. So older adults are expecting their bodies to perform as they did when they were 18. The changes are not only physical, but also emotional and relational. The needs one may have had from a partner in their 20s may not be the same as the needs they have in their 40s, 50s, or beyond.

Adults need opportunities to re-evaluate a lifetime of formal and informal sexual learning for how it fits within their current lives, and determine which is helpful, and discard that which is not helpful. Peggy Brick, lead author of Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter, [led] this discussion in her keynote on helping adults form new expectations of their changing bodies and lives.

We’re still squeamish when it comes to talking about S-E-X, right? It even impacts our ability to have important discussions with health care providers! How do we make this a normal, relaxed topic of discussion?

BT: Robie Harris, our opening keynote speaker, is the author of perhaps the most authoritative children’s book on sex, It’s Perfectly Normal. This is a book that has been translated into many languages, and I came across the Swedish version when I visited Stockholm last year. The Swedish title, På Tal Om Sex, bore little resemblance to the American title, so I asked the librarian about it. She told me the title meant “Speaking of Sex”. This spoke volumes of the differences in how Americans and Sweden --- and many other developed nations treat the subject of sex. Swedes need no convincing that sex is perfectly normal! The title only works in the United States!

It’s a byproduct of decades of societal and cultural learning. Unlike many Western European nations, America has not prioritized honest communication about sexuality on television, in print, in social media campaigns. Two decades of $1.5 billion in federal abstinence-only funds ---- in a country where 70% of teens stop abstaining by the time they finish high school --- means that we as a nation have a lot of catching up to do. Highly-trained sexuality educators --- such as Planned Parenthood educators and other professionals who attend our conference --- can be a great support for young people to have not only accurate information, but better efficacy and the skills to make healthy sexual decisions.

There’s so much to address in sex ed: sexually transmitted infections (STIs), unintended pregnancy, health relationships. How do you cover it all without people – especially school-age audiences - tuning out?

BT: The tiny amount of time teachers are given for these important topics often forces them to use boring, didactic teaching techniques. That is why The CFLE develops teaching manuals that use highly interactive, engaging strategies. One such resource, coming out in January, is titled Game On! and has 20 such strategies for creating a fun, memorable learning experience that really sticks with the student. It’s important to reach students in meaningful ways so they retain important learning, and feel empowered with the skills needed to make healthy decisions.

Talk about trends in teaching sexual education to teens. How are our approaches changing?

BT: [Last month], the New York Times Magazine posted an article that featured an educator who is doing an outstanding job teaching a sex education program at a private Quaker school. The teacher, Al Vernacchio, was a speaker at our conference last year, and [this year presented] the workshop “You’re Out, Baseball!” at this year’s conference.

His program was unique in that it is so positive, honest, and complete! It is also not the norm. While Mr. Vernacchio’s program runs six weeks, most American teachers are allowed only a few class periods. Depending on the state and school district, these lessons may be devoted to preaching abstinence as the only acceptable choice, or, if the program is permitted to address prevention of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, they rarely venture beyond these subjects into other important, healthy aspects of sexuality. Important elements include healthy and unhealthy relationships, gender and sexual orientation, intimacy body image, and much more.

There are some positive trends, for example new, first-time federal funding for evidence-based teen pregnancy prevention programs. While these programs fall short of complete, age-appropriate sex ed, the new funding is encouraging after two decades of funding for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs (AOUM). Still, it is disappointing that federal funding for AOUM persists, despite substantial research that they provide misleading, inaccurate, and harmful information.

Sex ed is also needed beyond the high school years, especially when the curricula are woefully inadequate in the high schools. Many of our conference attendees teach adults – from college students in their 20s to senior citizens. That’s why we adopted a theme of Sex Ed Through the Lifespan. For more go to: The CFLE's National Sex Ed Conference.

Teaching Good Sex

2011-11-16T17:39:00.006-05:00

Today, the New York Times Magazine posted a lengthy and important article on sex ed. The article profiles the work of an outstanding educator, Al Vernacchio, who will also be speaking at The CFLE's National Sex Ed Conference next month. In fact, Mr. Vernacchio will be presenting the workshop "You're Out, Baseball!" which is described in the opening to the New York Times Magazine article.

Here is an excerpt:

Sex Educator Extraordinaire Al Vernacchio

“First base, second base, third base, home run,” Al Vernacchio ticked off the classic baseball terms for sex acts. His goal was to prompt the students in Sexuality and Society — an elective for seniors at the private Friends’ Central School on Philadelphia’s affluent Main Line — to examine the assumptions buried in the venerable metaphor. “Give me some more,” urged the fast-talking 47-year-old, who teaches 9th- and 12th-grade English as well as human sexuality. Arrayed before Vernacchio was a circle of small desks occupied by 22 teenagers, six male and the rest female — a blur of sweatshirts and Ugg boots and form-fitting leggings...

Read the rest of the article here.

Mayor Mike Bloomberg wins for Hurricane Irene and sex education mandate

2011-09-27T15:18:00.000-04:00

by Susie Wilson

[To lead off Let's Talk Month, we're reposting a column about sex ed in New York City from Susie Wilson's Sex Matters. In October, we'll be sharing ways to talk to your kids about sex. Parents are the best sex ed teachers for our young people!

To schedule a parent program or a teacher training, contact The Center for Family Life Education at The.CFLE@ppgnnj.org.]

As most East Coasters need no reminding, this is hurricane season. It is also the season for state and county agricultural fairs. I went to the annual four-day Agricultural Society Livestock Show and Fair in Martha’s Vineyard, where the products of “farm, field, pasture, workshops, and kitchens are celebrated.” (The president’s daughters also took in it delights, although on a different day than the one I took my three grandchildren.)

The center of the 150-year-old annual fair was a giant barn filled to the rafters with exhibits of all kinds—from a contest to see who had raised the largest zucchini to who had created the tiniest flower arrangement. There was a sea of blue ribbons attached to entries that judges had viewed, patted, smelled, weighed, and, when necessary, tasted, and deemed worthy of first prize.

I know how prized that blue ribbon was when my 10-year-old granddaughter received one in the Dog Show for her Brittany spaniel. (Her dog beat out one other entrant, and she was thrilled.)

To carry on the thrill of blue-ribbon prizes, I am awarding a first prize for the most significant recent sexuality and public affairs event. The winner of the coveted blue ribbon is Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who wins the blue not for his sensible decision to evacuate of hundreds of thousands of people living in New York City and low-lying areas in the five boroughs during Hurricane Irene—but for his boldness in mandating sex education for students in New York City’s public middle and high schools starting this school year.

Bravo, Mr. Mayor: You will look good with a blue ribbon pinned to your lapel. You showed courage in taking on the tough subject of requiring sex education, which most politicians run away from at considerable speed. You demonstrated your concern for the poorest young people in your city by offering them the information and skills they need to protect them from unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

Mayor Bloomberg placed his decision to require sex education for all middle- and high school students in the context of a new strategy “to improve the lives of black and Latino teenagers.” He cited the facts that we have heard repeatedly—that these young people “are far more likely than their white counterparts to have unplanned pregnancies and contract sexually transmitted diseases,” which can weaken their life chances and keep them mired in poverty.

He did not choose abstinence-only programs—often the fallback favorites of many politicians forced to take a stand on sex education. Instead, he recommended programs that “include lessons on how to use a condom” as well as discussion about and “the appropriate age for sexual activity.”

Sex education isn’t a magic bullet, but it is an essential first step to helping all young people—especially those about whom Mayor Bloomberg cares—lead healthier lives. Wisely, too, the program will permit families to “opt out” of the courses rather than having them “opt in.” The latter is a cumbersome, paper-heavy procedure that isn’t easy to administer and often hamstrings instruction.

When the New Jersey State Board of Education mandated sex education for all public elementary and secondary schools in 1980, parents were also given the “opt out” choice. If I remember correctly, very few parents chose it, somewhat to policymakers’ surprise. My hunch is that—despite the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of New York’s opposition to the Bloomberg program —most New York City parents will follow in the footsteps of New Jersey parents.

Mayor Bloomberg really doesn’t have to worry about any substantial controversy to his plan. He already has great support for his mandate: A NARAL Pro-Choice New York 2009 survey found that 81 percent of city voters thought that sex education should be taught in public schools.

Were I personally able to pin the blue ribbon on the Mayor’s lapel, I might whisper one suggestion in his ear: “Mr. Mayor, M & M.” I don’t mean the popular candy, but rather an “M” for monitor and an “M” for motivation. Sex education programs, by and large, are not monitored, and they are rarely part of any accountability process. Once they become a part of the education curriculum, officials breathe a sigh of relief and move on.

If teachers knew that their programs would be scrutinized and evaluated, and changed if they were ineffective, they might keep them fresh and more interesting. Students might pay more attention to the content if they knew that officials were evaluating what they were learning and assessing if they had gained information that led to better attitudes and behaviors. If students could be part of the evaluation process, they might feel even more invested in the instruction.

Mayor Bloomberg could become an Ambassador for effective sex education and motivate other big-city mayors to follow his lead and take an interest in the subject.

As I write, I think of how he might influence Mayor Cory Booker of Newark, Mayor Tony Mack of Trenton, and Mayor Dana L. Redd of Camden to take a look at the sex education programs in their respective cities. Because there is a statewide mandate for sex and family life education in New Jersey, these mayors won’t have to struggle to start programs. They could ask young people themselves about their effectiveness. If students have complaints, the mayors might take the lead in improving the programs.

Who knows, maybe Mayor Bloomberg’s mandate in New York City will start a movement for improved sex ed all across the nation, especially for poor minority students who are most in need of it.

And if more inspiration is needed, I have a cache of blue ribbons under my bed just waiting for me to award them.

Susie Wilson, former executive coordinator of the Network for Family Life Education at Rutgers University's Center for Applied and Professional Psychology (now renamed Answer), is a national leader in the fight for effective sexuality and HIV/AIDS education and for prevention of adolescent pregnancy. She can be reached at susie.wilson@comcast.net .

Reposted with permission from Sex Matters at
http://www.newjerseynewsroom.com/style/mayor-mike-bloomberg-wins-for-hurricane-irene-and-sex-education-mandate

HPV Vaccine: 101

2011-08-31T14:09:00.000-04:00

August is the National Immunization Awareness month; so in the spirit of awareness, let’s explore the benefits of immunizing against genital human papillomavirus, also called HPV.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection with approximately 20 million people currently being infected. Although in most cases of HPV there are no health problems, sometimes HPV can cause genital warts or cervical, vulva, vagina, penis, anus, and head and neck cancers. Therefore, to lower the risk of these health problems, it is recommended that people get vaccinated.

Some key points about being immunized against HPV are:

There are 2 types of vaccines, called Cervarix and Gardasil
Both vaccines prevent cervical cancer in women
Only Gardasil also protects against genital warts
The vaccines do not treat or get rid of an existing HPV infection
Both vaccines are given in a series of 3 shots and a person must get all 3 shots in order to be protected
Only Gardasil has been licensed for use in males
It is recommended that males and females between the ages of 9 and 26 get vaccinated
Common side effects include: pain where the shot was given, fever, headache, and nausea
Insurance plans vary, so check with your insurance provider to see if it is covered
For those that do not have insurance or their insurance does not cover the vaccination, there may be funds and programs that can help. Visit this link to find out who to contact in your state about vaccination assistance.

Many Planned Parenthood’s offer the HPV vaccine. To find a center nearest you and the services it offers, visit the Planned Parenthood website.

To learn more information about the HPV vaccine or other vaccines, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website. It provides information on who should be immunized, against what and when, the different types of vaccines, side effects and safety information, where you can go, and commonly asked questions.

What are some questions you would ask your doctor before getting immunized against HPV? Let us know in the comments section.

Soup, Sandwich, and Censorship --- Rethinking Policy at Panera Bread

2011-08-19T12:49:00.007-04:00

by Bill Taverner

You used to be able to get all three – soup, sandwiches, and censorship – at Panera Bread. Five years ago, the Riverfront Times in St. Louis, MO, ran a story that described my experiences with censorship at the restaurant chain and other public buildings that purported to offer “free wi fi”. Seemingly worried that their customers might masturbate while reading an AASECT conference program or salivate while interpreting the research design of a Journal of Sex Research article, these establishments denied access to the websites of key organizations in sexology, including this blog and other websites run by The Center for Family Life Education.

Despite the unreasonable and inflexible policies of these establishments, I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that I continued to visit my local Panera Bread restaurant and do much of my work there. It’s convenient. It’s 45 miles closer than my office. It has free (if restricted) wi fi, and my IT department has taught me some tricks to bypass the censorship. Oh, and the sandwiches are good.

Still, every morning, I have tortured myself by making a ritual of checking key organizational websites, only to be blocked by embarrassing messages on my screen that alert anyone nearby that I am probably searching for porn.

This morning, I tried to access The CFLE’s conference website, and, to my astonishment, I was allowed in! I checked the other previously restricted websites listed in the article. AASECT? Bing! Sex, Etc.? Yes! Marty Klein’s Sexual Intelligence? No problemo!

What happened?

A few months ago, the (new) manager of the local restaurant struck up a conversation with me. After seeing me here day after day, she asked me what I was working on, and I told her I was writing a teaching manual to help people avoid sexually transmitted infections. I told her about my troubles accessing information online, and gave her a copy of the Riverfront Times article about Panera Bread censorship. I also gave her a copy of Taking Sides: Clashing Views in Human Sexuality, in which Ryan McKee and I wrote about the difficulties Panera Bread created for our research on that book.

Apparently, the message was received, and made its way up the corporate ladder.

So, next time you visit your local Panera Bread lift your coffee mug (or soup bowl) to toast free speech! (And double check the wi fi!)

Independence. Freedom. Fireworks.

2011-07-22T15:28:00.000-04:00

by Allyson Sandak

The words in the title of this post evoke thoughts of the Fourth of July. Due to recent current events, they also evoke thoughts of marriage, in particular New York State's passage of same-sex marriage.

I was in California and anxiously waiting to hear the news from the East Coast on June 24. Being born and raised in New York I was moved to tears with pride and immense happiness – for the fact that this brings us as a nation one step closer to equal rights, and for all my friends in New York, many of whom have been in same-sex relationships for over 30 years who can now have their family formally affirmed and confirmed.

New York Assemblyman Matthew Tittone (Staten Island, NY's first openly gay official) acknowledges the importance of this victory but adds, "the real golden ring is federal rights."

While advocates of same-sex marriage fight for such federal recognition, there is an opportunity for educators to play a part in LGBT equal rights and awareness now. When teachers call community-based sexuality educators to schedule presentations for their sex-ed classes, they can suggest sexual orientation as a topic rather than the usual pregnancy and STI prevention. When teachers and other school staff hear "That's so gay," "Fag" and "Dyke" being thrown around the hallways, they can proactively respond to such homophobia letting their students know it is inappropriate, insulting and disrespectful. Schools can start or strengthen their Gay Straight Alliances. Social Studies teachers can teach about the changing landscape of marriage rights across the nation and the role of courts and the federal and state legislatures in the process.

Readers, what can you do while we wait for the real golden ring?

Talking to Your Parents about Birth Control

2011-07-21T14:30:00.000-04:00

by The CFLE

The Institute of Medicine just released suggestions on women's preventive health care, and included a recommendation that all birth control costs be completely covered under insurance, with no co-pay required. It’s a long-overdue step in the right direction for women’s health!

In celebration, The Center for Family Life Education is sharing a sex ed lesson on how to talk to parents about contraception, entitled “Making the Parent Connection: Encouraging Communication Within the Family”. It’s one lesson in the Positive Images manual, which can be ordered here.

What’s your favorite way to teach your students to talk to their parents about important life choices?

OBJECTIVES:
Participants will:

Consider why most parents do not talk with their children about sexuality and contraception.
Take part in role-play of an adolescent-parent interaction and identify behaviors that encourage and discourage communication.
Discuss whether communication between parents and their children would help develop responsible sexuality and discourage unwanted pregnancy and infection.

RATIONALE:

Research consistently indicates that most parents do not talk openly with their children about sexuality. Communication seems to be especially difficult during the adolescent years when teens are establishing independence from their families - sometimes through sexual activity. At the same time, many young people contend that they do not obtain and use contraception because they fear if they do so their parents will discover they are having intercourse. This lesson helps participants examine family communication about sexuality and explore ways to initiate discussion on sexual issues.

PROCEDURE:

1. Start discussion by noting that research indicates that fewer than 20% of parents talk about sexual matters with their children. Ask students why it is difficult for many parents to talk with their children about sexuality.

2. Ask participants to brainstorm the reasons why it would be advantageous for parents to talk about sexuality, including contraception and safer sex, with their children. (Write the reasons on the board as participants suggest them.)

3. Explain that the group is going to do a new kind of role-play to explore family communication about sexuality. Divide the group into four groups and give each group a card describing one member of the family. (From Worksheet: ROLE-PLAY CHARACTERS.) Each group reads the description and discusses how its character will act in a role-play of the current crisis in the household. After about five minutes, ask the group to select one volunteer to take part in the role-play.

4. Distribute small index cards to all other group members. During the skit, group members may write a suggestion on the card and deliver it to the actor from their group. (Actors may choose to use the suggestion or ignore it.)

5. Actors come front. Help each get into the role by asking: “How are you feeling about the situation in your family right now?” Now let the players begin the scene.

6. Let the scene continue as long as it seems productive. After about 10 minutes, let the actors return to their own group to get more suggestions. A new person may assume the role at this time if the group so chooses.

7. Let actors return to the “stage” and continue the role-play. (Group members continue to make written suggestions to their actor.)

8. Stop the role-play in time to debrief the actors and help them get out of their roles. Ask each, “How did you feel in the role that you played?”

Discussion Questions:

a. What examples can you give of something a family member did or said that encouraged communication? Examples of something that discouraged communication?

b. Should this family have started talking about sexuality sooner? Explain.

c. Ask the actors who played the Mother and Father why they might have been reluctant to raise the topic.

d. What would you recommend to individual family members concerning future communication about sexual issues?

Note: This lesson suggests one possible situation for a role-play examining family conversation about sexuality and contraception. However, we recommend that you adapt it to fit situations familiar to your own group. Perhaps you want to change the age of the daughter or her boyfriend. Perhaps you want to try a single-parent family, or stepparent family, or an extended family. Because the purpose of the role-play is for participants to examine family communication patterns and the effects these may have on sexual behavior, participants must be able to identify to some degree with the characters portrayed. Be alert to the fact that different ethnic groups have different attitudes about such discussions.

Worksheet: ROLE PLAY CHARACTERS
MAKING THE PARENT CONNECTION

Mother, 44 (related to: Son, 20; Daughter, 17)

Your daughter, who is only 17, has been going out with a man, 22 years old, who is a good friend of your son. You’re worried that they are having intercourse, though you hope not. You believe that older men often pressure girls to have intercourse before they are really ready. You know that you should talk to your daughter about the possibility of a pregnancy and the importance of using contraception. However, you really want to encourage her to say “no.” Last night you discussed the matter with your husband, and you agreed to bring the subject up at dinner tonight.

Father, 46 (related to: Son, 20; Daughter, 17)

Your daughter, who is only 17, has been going out with a man, 22 years old, who is a good friend of your son. You’re worried that they are having intercourse, though you hope not. You believe that older men often pressure girls to have intercourse before they are really ready. You know you should talk to your daughter about the possibility of a pregnancy and the importance of using contraception. However, you really want to encourage her to say “no.” Last night you discussed the matter with your wife, and you agreed to bring the subject up at dinner tonight.

Daughter, 17, High School Junior

For three months now, you’ve been going out with a man, 22 years old, who is a good friend of your brother. You like him a lot, and you’ve been spending more and more time alone together. You think he wants to have intercourse, but you’re nervous about it. You would be happy to keep the relationship just the way it is now, but you don’t think he will be. Last night you overheard your parents talking, and you know they plan to talk with you about your relationship at dinner tonight.

Son, 20 Years Old

For about three months, your sister, a high school junior, has been dating your friend who is 22 years old. Their relationship seems to be getting serious, and while you haven’t talked to your friend about it, you suspect he wants them to have intercourse. It’s hard for you to imagine your little sister having intercourse, but your friend is a great guy, and you think it’s a good relationship. You heard your parents talking about discussing this relationship at dinner tonight.

To be used with Positive Images, 3rd Edition. Brick and Taverner, Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, 2001.

Supreme Court Declares Violent Video Games are Fine for Minors … Unless Someone Is Naked

2011-07-01T14:39:00.001-04:00

by Bill Taverner

Hi, my name is Bill T, and I have indulged in violent video games. I don’t usually start off essays with a confession, and I realize this forum is not Violent Video Games Anonymous. Indeed, it has been several years since I last carjacked and bludgeoned my way to a successful all-nighter in Grand Theft Auto, so I don’t have a compelling reason to confess except that I figured if I’m going to criticize violent video games, I should at least admit what fun I’ve had playing them. And they are fun. That’s why I stopped. There was a cognitive dissonance in my mind that could not reconcile my purported sense of social justice with the thrill I experienced beating the hell out of virtual characters and blowing things up. Since I’ve never wanted to be a “Do as I say, not as I do” kind of parent, I quit, cold turkey, and began lecturing on the sexism and teachable moments implicit in video games that are so popular among young people.

Today, the Supreme Court decided to strike down a California law that had banned the sale of violent video games to minors. To paraphrase that without the use of double negatives, the Court said that retailers may sell violent video games to minors. My reaction depended on which part of me was asked. As a parent of two children, one of whom is a teenager, I thought this was the wrong decision, since children’s exposure to violence is probably not a good thing. So that part of me thumbed my nose at the Court. However, I was quickly rebuffed by the free speech advocate in me, which applauded the decision and reminded me that government has no business censoring private matters. Leave it to parents and guardians to educate their children and enforce rules that restrict unhealthy messages. Then there was the skeptic in me who thought, “Something’s just not right here. What has the Supreme Court said in other matters of censorship among minors?”

My inner skeptic is always the wisest.

In prior cases, the Supreme Court handed down decisions forbidding the sale of materials that contain nudity to minors. So here is the quandary: selling a copy of Playboy or Playgirl to a minor will land a retailer in the slammer. But, the same vendor is free to sell a mega-violent video game to a minor, equipping him* with the ability to perform virtual decapitations, light pedestrians on fire, and more! His virtual self may rape at will, and bludgeon until a pool of virtual blood forms below the victim and the paramedics arrive. And then he may take a rocket launcher to the ambulance. All of this is perfectly legal to sell to minors. However, it instantly becomes illegal if the person whose virtual head you’re chopping off happen to be naked. I mean, we want our avatars to be treated with some respect, right? It would be obscene and offensive to chop off someone’s head when they’re nude.

The Court’s decision on video games is an extension of the curious messages we receive in other forms of media, including television and its questionable and inconsistent regulation by the Federal Communications Commission (as “Family Guy” character Peter Griffin calls them, “The Freakin’ FCC”). Our nation wrings its hands at a split-second shot of a performer’s nipple, and the FCC comes down full force with unprecedented fines for utterances of “the f-word”. However, the same regulatory bodies remain completely uninterested in televised violent imagery. While I may be concerned about whether my son will lose his lunch while flipping past a realistic autopsy on a prime time crime drama, the Freakin’ FCC expends its efforts investigating the harm done by the World Series star who burst, in elation, “World fucking champions!” on national television. The Supreme Court emphasized the need to crack down on such celebratory moments when it decided, just two years ago, that television stations could be fined for airing fleeting expletives.

The hypocrisy of the most recent Court decision is rooted in a society that assumes sexuality in all its manifestations is bad. As the late, great sexuality educator Sol Gordon lamented, “There is something wrong with a society that teaches ‘Sex is dirty. Save it for someone you love.’” Sex, sexuality, and the human body are all beautiful things that exist in nature. Yet the Court has issued two resounding verdicts: guilty on sex; not guilty on violence, despite its always harmful and often obscene nature. Sexual content must be strictly regulated; violence is just fine.

In his dissent, Justice Stephen Breyer eloquently explained the contradictory nature of today’s Court decision with prior decisions on minors and censorship:

“What sense does it make to forbid selling to a 13-year-old boy a magazine with an image of a nude woman, while protecting the sale to that 13-year-old of an interactive video game in which he actively, but virtually, binds and gags the woman, then tortures and kills her? What kind of First Amendment would permit the government to protect children by restricting sales of that extremely violent video game only when the woman — bound, gagged, tortured and killed — is also topless?”

* Don’t call me out on sexism here. According to a 2009 Nielsen study, teen boys play video games at a rate more than five times higher than teen girls.

Bill Taverner, MA, CSE, is the director of The Center for Family Life Education, the nationally acclaimed education division of Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey. He is also the editor-in-chief of the American Journal of Sexuality Education.

Teachable Moments with My Father

2011-06-27T18:12:00.000-04:00

by Allyson Sandak

As I celebrated Father’s Day with my family, I reflected a lot on sexuality education. Being a sexuality educator, I tend to do that quite often, but this year’s Father’s Day was a bit more poignant than usual. I am expecting my first child and wanted to explain my pregnancy to my five-year-old niece so she could understand what was going on with my body and that she would soon have a little cousin. Mostly, I wanted her to stop playfully kicking me in the belly.

Today’s conversation also reminded me of my personal experiences with family-based sexuality education. What I remember most are my conversations with my parents.

Father’s Day took me back to a fond memory of a conversation with my Dad. I was in junior high school, watching the TV Show Dear John with him. A character known for his sexual proclivities ended up in a priest’s office, with condoms falling out of his coat pocket. The studio audience laughed. My father laughed. I, not having any social context for what was happening but still wanting to appear in the know, laughed. My Dad, sensing that I didn’t understand, used this as a Teachable Moment, something sexuality educators frequently suggest to parents. Here’s how our conversation went:

Dad: “Do you know what those (referring to the condoms) are?”
Me: “Uh-huh” (in classic one-word adolescent speak, and blatantly lying because I had no idea what condoms were).
Dad: “Those are condoms. Do you know what they’re used for?”
Me: “Uh-huh” (still not knowing).
Dad: “They go over a man’s penis to prevent pregnancy.”

He further explained the social and religious context humor of the situation in fairly teen-friendly language. By sexuality educator standards, he did a fabulous job harnessing the power of the teachable moment!

We didn’t talk much more about sexuality while I was a child, but we did revisit the topic years later when I first started my career as a sexuality educator. I was still living at home with my parents and preparing to conduct my first male and female condom demonstrations at a program the next day. My father walked in as I was pulling the female condom out of the wrapper. After my initial panic, I realized that this was a teachable moment. Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: “Do you know what this is?”
Dad: “I believe it’s a female condom.” (I was impressed he knew.)
Me: “Do you know how it’s used?”
Dad: “I don’t believe I do.”

I proceed to demonstrate the condom’s proper use on an empty toiled paper roll (this was before I had a fancy pelvic model).

I left that conversation thinking that I harnessed the power of a teachable moment – years after my Dad first did so me. It all came around full-circle.

I pose some questions to our readers:

Parents – how have you addressed sexuality with your children?
Sexuality Educators – what tips do you have for parents looking to address sexuality with their children?

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the wonderful sexuality educators out there – professional and otherwise!

Those Wonderful Librarians

2011-05-05T09:38:00.000-04:00

By Dr. Marty Klein

I’m recently back from Austin, where I spoke at the annual meeting of the Texas Library Association. My topic was America’s War On Sex, Libraries, & Librarians. I’m pleased to say I was warmly received.

And I sure learned plenty from them—some of it heartening, some of it scary. And some of what they said was sadly familiar. Just a few notes:

* A small number of people can cause a lot of trouble.
In almost every community, some people feel terrified that people—young or otherwise—are being exposed to immoral, inappropriate, unpatriotic, or dangerous material in the library. One might argue that that’s exactly when a library is doing its job, but of course not everyone agrees with that mission statement.

Thirty years ago, educator Sol Gordon said that “it only takes four people to disrupt a school board meeting, and only five to take over a school board.” It turns out the same is true of library boards.

Most librarians reported that without active, vocal boards, their library would be reduced to a half-dozen cookbooks.

* Every library offers the public computers.
And that means dealing with questions of “access”: who can watch? What can people view? How much protection do other patrons need?

Different libraries deal with this “security problem” differently. Some are highly protective of adult patrons’ rights to watch undisturbed. But other librarians told me of security cameras aimed squarely at computer users; to facilitate the photography, one library forbids hats. Some libraries keep records of who looks at what sites, which I’m certain is what libraries and internet cafes in Iran do.

When I asked about the urban legend—thousands of masturbators spending hundreds of hours watching porn on library computers—only two librarians in a room of 200 said they’d seen someone watch porn. And both said it was an old, lonely guy who genuinely hadn’t realized he was being rude.

* Even cataloging books turns out to be a political task.
Should a book about teen life go into “young adult” or “adult”? Some parents and religious leaders fear that certain novels will give kids ideas, so they want them put in the “adult” section, which kids can’t easily access. Some librarians cleverly put books about contemporary teen life in “history,” “sociology,” or other sections to enable young people’s access.

* And the taboo stuff?
These librarians were plenty savvy on dealing with censorship. One talked about keeping certain books with sexual information behind his desk, quietly lending them outside the official system. Another librarian has a collection of gay-themed books that she’s been collecting on her own, which she quietly lends out to people from a dozen small towns that don’t even have libraries.

* How’s book banning going?
Most librarians with whom I spoke wearily acknowledged that books were challenged on a regular basis—“and once in a while, someone has actually read a book that they challenge.”

Since 2001, half the challenges are due to either “sexually explicit” material or “offensive language.” The Color Purple and Catcher in the Rye are among the most banned books each year.

Only a few communities hold actual book burnings, none of them last year in Texas.

* Is reading dangerous?
Inevitably we come back to this question. The biggest fear about Guttenberg’s press was that “too many” people would read. The biggest concern about mass paperback printing in Victorian England was that servants would read and get the “wrong ideas.” And today more than ever there’s concern that kids who read about other kids’ difficulties—physical abuse, alcoholic parents, drug use, rape, exploitative divorcing parents—will somehow want to pursue similar horrible lives.

“Urban fiction” is the new term for these books, and they’re being banned with the ferocity that only self-righteous missionaries can muster.

It’s like withholding Black history books from Blacks, or Jewish history from Jews. Minors are a repressed minority—without the dignity or legitimized outrage of any other such group.

* Of course, it wasn’t work every second of the day.
At dinner one evening, someone ordered peach cobbler. I asked two simple questions—“why cobbler?” and “what makes cobbler different than pie or crisp?”—which had everyone scurrying for their smart phones and iPads in pursuit of historical and etymological treasure. Most librarians LOVE research; one said her job was like playing “Trivial Pursuit” every day.

So: Want to be politically active, but don’t want to run for governor or start a new political party? Get appointed to your local library board. Turns out that’s where a lot of American decisions get made.

Reposted with permission from Marty Klein. Original blog post appears at http://sexualintelligence.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/those-wonderful-librarians/

I Stand with Planned Parenthood

2011-03-23T12:27:00.003-04:00

by Bill Taverner

Today was my first Planned Parenthood rally. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, because it seems like I’ve been affiliated with Planned Parenthood forever. But the truth is I’ve never been to one of our rallies. I’ve written many articles about the disagreements over abortion, contraception, sex education, and other core services that Planned Parenthood provides. I’ve written editorials and letters to-the-editor. I’ve even had pictures of protesters – both pro choice and anti-choice – on the cover of my book, Taking Sides: Clashing Views in Human Sexuality. And I’ve given trainings in Planned Parenthood facilities that had previously been bombed and rebuilt. But I’ve never actually been to a rally before. It was an experience I will not forget.

The attached photo tells a very incomplete story. There is a smile on my face, and it is true I was in a relaxed mood when I first arrived. The people behind me were smiling and relaxed, too, at least for that moment. But they weren’t there to stand with Planned Parenthood. Their sign says Defund Planned Parenthood,” not Defend Planned Parenthood against the vicious assaults by the New Jersey governor and the U.S. House of Representatives. Nevertheless, the start of the rally offered a festive mood, with Planned Parenthood supporters outnumbering protesters about eight to one.

Shortly after the photo was taken, I offered to trade signs with one of my colleagues who was carrying an enormous sign. It was two-tiered and rose about five feet over my head. I was quickly rewarded for my gallantry by being moved directly in front of the anti-choice crowd, across the podium, to block off the visibility of anti-choice signs. I happily obliged, although the sign was heavy, and the wind made it extra difficult to handle. I was a little concerned about the possibility of being pickpocketed by the protesters who were immediately behind me, separated by nothing more than a strip of police tape.

Everything changed when the podium microphone went on. The protesters became boisterous and vile in exercising their free speech as they tried to disrupt every speaker. They called us “baby killers” and repeatedly shouted “You kill kids.” It was especially alarming to hear this shouting so close to my ears. Some of it was even more sinister and personal. One person screamed, “You’re killing your black baby!” to an African American woman who happened to be visiting the clinic. Other refrains included, “Abortion causes cancer!” and “Not on our dime!” That last one was chanted as one of the speakers discussed the importance of pre-cancer screenings for the poor and uninsured.

As I was engulfed in the rudeness and vitriol of the protesters, somehow, my sign grew lighter. I thought about the millions of women and men who access the spectrum of vital services from Planned Parenthood. I thought about my colleagues and our supporters standing with me, some of whom are harassed day in and day out. I am proud of the work we do. I am proud to stand with Planned Parenthood.

Do you stand with Planned Parenthood, too? Sign the petition here.

Pledges: AmazinGLEE Ineffective

2011-03-01T12:38:00.002-05:00

By Robin Slaw

In the February 22, 2011 "Blame It On the Alcohol" episode, Glee fans got a big dose of how well teen abstinence pledges work …

Not!

Instead, Glee club members explored the perils of teen drinking. From Principal Figgins' pronunciation of Kei$ha (Kee-dollar sign-Ha) to the duet by Schuester and Beiste to the synchronized purple vomit, there were memorable scenes and songs throughout the show. But did the episode work to deter teen drinking? Probably not.

I would bet alcohol pledges work about as well as abstinence pledges for high school students. Some of them will abstain because it makes sense – they are the designated drivers, or they don't like how alcohol feels, or they aren't in a relationship and don't like casual sex. Some of them will indulge in spite of our best intentions – because peers put too much pressure on them, or they love the way they feel when drinking or having sex. So how do we keep teens safer, whether we're talking alcohol or sex?

Equipping them with information helps. They learn the difference between responsible and irresponsible actions, how they and their partners or friends can be harmed, whether through drinking or sex. They learn about alternatives, whether it's how to have a fun party without alcohol poisoning, or how to have a fun relationship without the risks of sexually transmitted infections. They understand the consequences of risky behavior. And they learn how to draw their own line in the sand … the line that they won't cross because they've decided ahead of time where that line lies.

Online bloggers are arguing over whether the "Blame It On the Alcohol" episode did more to deter or promote teen drinking. Me, I'm thinking Brittany nailed "Tik Tok", that Beiste was all around awesome, and that I will be following up with my teen daughters about designated drivers, the effect of alcohol on their grades and the unwise decisions they might make while under the influence, and show them one more time where the condoms are stored and how to use them. I'll be pondering new ways of teaching students how to stay safe, and how to help them understand that they have control over what happens to them. And I will be actively searching out new ways to talk to parents about the importance of talking to their own teens, because that's one of the places where we can possibly make the most difference!

What's Up, Docs?Training Medical Students to Talk about Sex with Older Patients

2011-02-21T15:00:00.005-05:00

By Bill Taverner

“Sex Week” is the name of the educational program for medical students held the first week of January at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey (UMDNJ). The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago, and prepares physicians about the importance of sexuality in the lives of their patients. At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.

Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30 or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students.

A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?”

“Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”

After some hesitated laughter from the students (“Is he going to be mad if we laugh?”) we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people --- including doctors --- wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.

Having broken the ice, and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging. (The handout is included at the end of this article. Try it out yourself!)

We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. (See Table 1.) I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!

Table 1. Sexual changes at Mid and Later Life

Men

• Erections are not as firm, may be lost rapidly after orgasm. Penis needs more stimulation by self or partner.

• Experience of orgasm may feel different (forcefulness may lessen).

• Lubrication that appears prior to ejaculation decreases or disappears, and volume of seminal fluid (ejaculate) is reduced.

• The sensation that ejaculation is imminent may lessen or disappear.

• Refractory periods are longer (i.e., subsequent orgasms may not be possible for hours or days).

• Fertility extends well into later life so protection from unwanted pregnancy is necessary.

Women

• Sensitivity of clitoris may increase or decrease.

• Vaginal lubrication takes longer.

• Breast and nipple sensitivity may change.

• More time and stimulation is required for arousal and orgasm. Elasticity of the pelvic floor muscles (integral to orgasm) diminishes.

• Uterine contractions that are part of orgasm may become so intense that they are uncomfortable or painful.

• Fertility discontinues.

We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters. (Vogelaar, 1999) While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.

For the practice activity, I read this scenario:

Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.

The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.

As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!

I also remind the students at UMDNJ that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues. (Barrett & Rand, 2009) So I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults that can be found in Table 2. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.

Table 2. Great Ideas for Physicians

1. Ask about sex and intimacy during routine exams — both male and female older adults may be reluctant to bring up the topic, but will gladly discuss if asked.

2. Have a caring — not only clinical — attitude toward patients.

3. Try to avoid making assumptions about a patient’s sexual orientation, or how sexually active s/he might be.

4. Recognize the diversity of religious and cultural traditions that affect how people express their sexuality. Try to avoid judging, moralizing, or pushing religious beliefs on patients.

5. Watch for subtle hints patients may be giving you to discuss sexual concerns.

6. Encourage patients to speak openly about sexuality. Be patient with expressed concerns and answer questions honestly and openly.

7. Help patients understand that sexual desires, concerns, and issues are normal. Avoid minimizing patients’ concerns.

8. Discuss the benefits of sexual pleasure, including masturbation.

9. Suggest that couples cuddle, exchange massages, and shower together to rekindle the sexual connection that originally brought them together.

10. Teach pelvic muscle (Kegel) exercises as a way to increase sexual pleasure, as well as for incontinence prevention.

11. Explain how one might make sexual activity easier if physical problems exist.

12. Give information on what to do about decreases in sexual desire and vaginal dryness.

13. Discuss the pros, cons, and sexual side effects of medications, as well as non-drug approaches to sex-related problems.

14. Recognize the growing rates of sexually transmitted infections among older adults, including HIV. Provide accurate, current information.

15. If appropriate, consider bringing adult children into the discussion to help them understand, respect, and support their parent’s sexuality.

16. Provide referrals, books, videos, and other materials to patients regarding sex and intimacy.

17. Request and take advantage of continuing education about sexuality and older adults. Share valuable information related to sexuality with your colleagues.

References

Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.

Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.

Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.

PUZZLING SEXUAL PROBLEMS

CLUES

Across
4. Meeting with other people in a __________ __________ can be a great help for overcoming sexual problems.
8. Inability to __________ with a partner about sexual matters is a significant stumbling block to overcoming problems.
10. For some people experiencing chronic illness, sexual rehabilitation is the beginning to a more complete __________.
12. A common sexual problem for women — vaginal dryness — can often be remedied by over-the-counter __________.
13. The following are all __________ statements: sex saps strength; too much sex is unhealthy; having sex decreases the effectiveness of medications.
14. No matter what the sexual problem, it is important to discuss the psychological and relationship issues, as well as the physiological ones, with one’s __________.
15. The great majority of people with chronic illness and disability can benefit from getting __________ about the sexual effects of their illness or disability.

Down
1. __________ often interfere with sexual functioning and need to be discussed with one’s health practitioner.
2. Chronic illness and disabilities can affect sexual response, including sexual desire, arousal, and __________.
3. Satisfying sexual activities that do not involve intercourse are called __________.
5. Experts recommend including one’s __________ in any discussion or treatment of sexual problems.
6. Any evaluation of a sexual problem should include a thorough __________ examination.
7. People with chronic illness often need to __________ their sexual positions and activities in order to be sexually satisfied.
9. Patients can overcome negative messages about sexuality related to illness or disability when a clinician gives them __________ to be sexual.
11. www.sexualhealth.com is designed to provide support for people with many sexual concerns, and also provides __________ to websites addressing particular disabilities.
16. Sexual expression is especially important for people with chronic illness or disabilities because being sexual helps a person feel normal, capable, healthy, and __________.

A shorter version of this article was written for the Sexuality and Aging Consortium at Widener University. For more information about the Consortium, click here. For the Consortium's blog, click here.

The Resurgence of the Sex-Obsessed Youth (Or Maybe Not)

2011-02-15T18:56:00.003-05:00

Michael Shelton, who writes the "Sex Life of the American Male" column for Psychology Today, comments on youth, sex ed, technology, and The CFLE's National Sex Ed Conference here.

Many Adults in the Dark when It Comes to Sex Ed

2011-02-08T12:55:00.003-05:00

Discussions regarding sex education usually revolve around educating teenagers. But increasingly, sexual health researchers say, adults are in need of sex education, too. When Bill Taverner, director of The Center for Family Life Education at Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, spoke at his parents' retirement community about sexuality and aging recently, the crowd — all older adults — was bigger than the turnout of any other session ever scheduled by organizers. Read more about it at Live Science or at the Today Show website.

A Little Anal Retentive How the Far Right Tried to Rebrand a Conversation about Sex Education

2011-01-20T17:14:00.015-05:00

By Bill Taverner

In November 2010, The Center for Family Life Education held a national sexuality education conference – open to professionals with students and patients of all ages – with a program that encompassed the lifespan, from teaching about puberty to helping couples regain intimacy after a cancer diagnosis. There were workshops on sexual assault, prevention of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy, healthy and unhealthy relationships, gender and sexual orientation, and so much more of what would fall into the various circles of Dr. Dennis Daily’s model of holistic sexuality.

Click here for a clip of the Anal Retentive
Chef from Saturday Night Live

The conference received a good share of media coverage, including the New York Times, Psychology Today, and other reputable journalistic sources. Susie Wilson, a pioneer in advocacy for sexuality education in New Jersey blogged about the scope and depth of the conference in her Thanksgiving blog for the New Jersey Newsroom. But there were only two conference elements that caught the attention of the folks in Far Right news circles, who reported on our conference as one about “butt plugs” and “sex toys”. I hope you will excuse my pun in the title of this article. Like our detractors, I recognize that taboo references to the anus can draw a huge readership. I have some experience with society’s preoccupation with the anus. A few years ago, I gave a television interview where I discussed the importance of teaching young people about the choice of abstinence, and I mentioned anal sex as a behavior that a person might decide to avoid. While this comment constituted less than 10 seconds of a 15 minute interview, it was the one phrase that was repeated over-and-over in the promos for the evening news. So if the clever title is what brought you here, I hope this essay doesn’t disappoint too much as I discuss what the conference was really about.

It was one workshop in particular that really caught the attention of our detractors, so much so that they made sure to attend that workshop – from among 40 course offerings – to get all the juicy details. The workshop was appropriately titled “Healthy Endings: A Workshop on Anal Health and Sexual Safety.” Why a workshop about the anus? As the workshop description notes, about 40% of adults report having engaged in anal intercourse. (As comedians have noted, the other 60% have a "friend"...) Public policy professionals have long been aware of the association between unprotected anal intercourse and HIV, as well as other sexually transmitted infections. So the question isn’t so much why we would have a workshop teaching about the anus and sexual safety – but why wouldn’t we? The course reviewed physiology and recommendations for health and risk prevention. It also included a fact sheet that provided comprehensive information about the anus. One fact on this fact sheet cited research and commentary from scholars in the field on sexual safety in the context of butt plugs and other toys, being responsive to the common usage of such toys among adults. It is important to know that almost half of the sex educators who attended the conference identified their primary audiences as adults. However, those heckling our conference were trying to paint the picture that we were training middle school teachers to teach their students how to more effectively use their butt plugs.

There may well have been some high school teachers in attendance who wanted to better understand information about the anus. This is understandable because students are always asking questions about the anus, often along the lines of “Can you get something stuck up there?” They also ask about anal sex, the rectum and colon, and more. Teachers – who typically focus exclusively on reproductive anatomy – are often ill equipped to answer these many questions, leaving their students to find their answers about the anus through myth and conjecture, or on the Internet, where one can easily find videos of fisting, urban legends of gerbils and Richard Gere, and the American Nihilist Underground Society (A.N.U.S).

Despite intentionally misleading characterizations, and the juvenile preoccupations of our critics, the conference was not about butt plugs and sex toys. Why did they fail to mention the program on intimacy after cancer, which would have clearly illustrated that the audience did not only work with teens? Why did they mention the film we showed, “Orgasm Inc.,” without any explanation of what it was about? The answer is simple. Saying that we showed a film titled “Orgasm Inc.” conjures an orgy of hedonistic sex educators, rather than a serious academic program. Explaining that it was a documentary about pharmaceutical companies trying to develop a female equivalent to Viagra does not carry out their primary objective of misleading their readers.

The Far Right commentaries about our conference are replete with such fabrications. Yes, in receiving her award, Dr. Eva Goldfarb of Montclair State University did sing an excerpt from the Broadway musical Hair. (And she sang beautifully, I might add.) But to conclude that her singing the antiquated word “pederasty” – means we are supportive of adult-child sex is logic that leaves one’s head spinning. (And is logic that I would hope even the most ardent critics of sex ed would reject.)

In the interest of fair play, I will note some of the conference content that our detractors failed to mention, as it did not fit their pre-conceived agenda. These included workshops on cyber-bullying and sexting, drug and alcohol abuse, ethics, healthy and unhealthy relationships, male responsibility, media literacy, myths and urban legend, puberty, sexual assault, and understanding and answering difficult questions.

See the program for yourself. Hopefully you’ll notice the very supportive letter from United States Senator Frank Lautenberg, a staunch advocate for sexuality education. Hopefully you’ll see ads for prominent health-promoting organizations, not just the ads for lubricants and other sexual aids. Hopefully you’ll see program content that has depth and scope that warranted the praise we received from leading experts in the field who attended. Hopefully you’ll see more than just butt plugs.

Trading My Contraceptive Kit for the Real Thing

2011-01-14T15:16:00.003-05:00

by Ashley Generallo

In 2005 I graduated college. I didn’t have anything really impressive to say when people asked me about my future plans. No, I didn’t have a job lined up. No, my psychology/women studies degree didn’t make me qualified for any particular job in any particular field. But I did know one thing for sure: I wanted to work for Planned Parenthood.

After a summer of phone calls, letters, and emails to the local Planned Parenthood human resources departments, I got a job working the front desk in a nearby clinic. My goal of getting my foot in the door was officially reached. The clinic pulled my attention between the busy phone, the patients coming in for appointments, and answering questions about STI testing and birth control methods. I tried my hardest to make a trip to Planned Parenthood as pleasant as possible, whether it was to pick up a pack of pills or have a colposcopy.

Within two years, I found myself working for PPGNNJ’s education department, The Center for Family Life Education. I became “Miss Ashley: The Sex Lady” to many local adolescents (my mom is so proud!). In this position, I took what I learned from the clinic and used it to better educate my students, helping them make healthy decisions about their bodies and lives, in and out of the exam room. I felt more empowered working in the education department. I was reaching young people before they needed to visit the clinic making them more prepared and educated on what to expect when it was time to make a visit.

Fast forward another 3 years and I’m back to the clinic. Only this time, I’m the manager. Am I nervous? A little. Am I afraid I won’t love this job as much as my previous? Sure. Do I feel like I don’t know anything? Often. But in this situation I must rely on the lessons I have learned from The CFLE to ease me into this new role.

I learned that:

If I can manage a classroom of 12 year olds, I should have no problem managing a bustling clinic.
When talking to a patient at the clinic, you don’t have to compete with dismissal bells, classroom gossip, or science homework.
Icebreakers and energizers work in both a classroom and a staff meeting.
Everyone enjoys snacks.
There is an opportunity every day to learn something new and share it.
I am still not expected to know all the answers.
It is always important to explain things in the simplest way possible, without leaving information out or making a person feel stupid or judged.
Schools and clinics carry the same amount of germs and I will have a cold all year round.
Having a smile on your face goes a long way.
Though our approaches may be different, everyone working for Planned Parenthood makes a difference and is working toward the same goal: healthier, more informed people.

Maybe I do know something after all…

Lies My Abstinence Teacher Told Me

2011-01-08T13:37:00.004-05:00

By Bill Taverner

One in 10 "abstinent" teens has a sexually transmitted infection. Yes, one in 10 teens that says he or she is abstinent has a sexually transmitted infection. This statistical anomaly comes from a news story reported in the Washington Times. It sounds strange, but it really shouldn't be surprising to know that teens who say they are "abstaining" really aren't. Prior research found that almost 90% of teens who make virginity pledges fail to keep them, and they are one-third less likely than their peers to use condoms at first intercourse, and are much more likely to engage in unprotected oral and anal sex, behaviors that they might feel "don't count". So I wasn't very surprised to learn that "abstinent" teens are getting STIs. I was, however, surprised to read about it in the Washington Times. This newspaper is notorious for its conservative, anti-sex ed bias. Why would they report on a study that so clearly illustrates the problems with abstinence-only-until-marriage (AOUM) programs? The study demonstrates why you can't tell kids to "Just say no!" without also having a serious discussion about the actual sexual behaviors that need to be avoided. So why was the Washington Times reporting on the negative impact of AOUM programs?

The next day, I got my answer. The report was a perfect set-up for the analysis that followed in Far Right news circles the next day, where the director of the National Abstinence Education Association used the study to blame Planned Parenthood for the way abstinence has been taught in America. Huh? Planned Parenthood has never received a dime of the billions of dollars funneled for abstinence-only education over the past fifteen years! Surely Planned Parenthood cannot be blamed for teens' poor understanding of abstinence! The education Planned Parenthood provides is medically accurate. In fact, for years, Planned Parenthood has petitioned Congress to require medical accuracy in abstinence and sexuality education, while AOUM advocates have opposed such legislation!

The article pointed to a teaching manual I coauthored with Sue Montfort a few years ago. We wrote Making Sense of Abstinence as an alternative to the fear and shame-based AOUM programs that prevailed. While our teaching resource has become quite popular and is widely used throughout the United States, its usage has never even approached the prevalence of curricula funded with federal dollars. Still, I have presented a number of workshops and keynotes throughout the country, introducing this new pedagogical model, which says that abstinence education needs to:

1. Help teens understand and apply the meaning of abstinence in their own lives and decisions, including understanding their reasons and motivations.

2. Build skills for successful abstinence.

3. Discuss not only the behaviors a person decides to avoid, but also the behaviors that "abstinence" permits, whether that be masturbation, kissing, touching, etc.

4. Help teens protect themselves from the unwanted consequences of sexual activity if and when they change their decisions.

I know this model of sophisticated, meaningful abstinence education is despised by those who favor a simple, "Just say no!" approach. The Far Right article attacked the first key principle of our manual – that teens need to understand and apply the meaning of abstinence in their own lives. I will explain.

Making Sense of Abstinence acknowledges that the language of "sex" and "abstinence" is very confusing – not just among teens but also among public health professionals. Even among presidents! I often start off my workshops and keynotes by asking people to take out their cell phones and asking them to call or text three friends and ask them what the words "abstinence" and "sex" mean. I could fill up (and I have filled up) a wall of easel sheets with the varied and contradictory definitions about these words. The activity also reveals astounding differences in motivations for the decisions to abstain, or not to abstain. The manual seeks to help teens who make the choice to "abstain" understand what abstinence means to them, so that they can plan and communicate their decisions accordingly. Many of us might think that "abstinence" means no oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse. But what we think is irrelevant to the teen who is convinced that they don't have "real" sex – they just have oral sex. I could stand on my head trying to convince them that oral sex does indeed "count" and must be avoided. But if they are determined not to abstain from this particular behavior, despite Mr. Taverner's opinion, then some protective knowledge is needed.

It's Orwellian doublespeak to claim that Planned Parenthood – or Making Sense of Abstinence – is convoluting the meaning of abstinence, when both are actually seeking to help teens clarify the meaning for themselves. Fifteen years of federal funding for programs that "Just say no!" without further clarity have produced a generation of young people that is in the dark, thinking that they are abstaining by finding the loopholes to their abstinence preacher's admonitions.

The above referenced article also includes the completely false statement that new federal teen pregnancy prevention money is supporting the teaching of Making Sense of Abstinence. Oh, I wish it were true. We could surely use the money in these tough times when our governor has stripped my local Planned Parenthood affiliate of $1.2 million in family planning funds. And nothing would please me more than to see our sex-positive philosophy implemented in the nation's classrooms. But the notion is a bald-faced lie. It is true that some of the new federal funding is supporting the implementation of teen pregnancy prevention programs administered by other Planned Parenthood affiliates. Unlike the requirements for AOUM programs, these programs must utilize teen pregnancy prevention programs that have been rigorously evaluated for success. None of them include Making Sense of Abstinence, which is relatively new on the scene, and has certainly not been subjected to that level of evaluation.

Clearly there are different philosophies on teaching about abstinence, and a need to carve some middle ground. Sue Montfort and I tried to do this. We recognized that some agencies will never allow our lessons on masturbation and outercourse to be taught, nor the lesson called “Some Day,” which helps for future planning after one’s abstinence decision changes, as it almost always does, whether it’s after a walk to the altar or in college, or this weekend. But there are plenty of lessons that find common ground and could be used without hesitation or regret by AOUM advocates. Take the lesson on talking with one’s parents and learning their values about abstinence. Or several lessons focused on developing the planning and communication skills needed for successful abstinence. Students learn the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication so that they can stand up for their decisions. Students learn strategies to support their abstinence decisions in the heat of sexual arousal. Some might disapprove of the lesson titles (e.g., “Handling Horny”) but these are lessons that benefit all students, regardless of the ideologies of the teachers.

If we are to continue to seek middle ground, there must be an honest exchange of intellectual ideas. And that means that the lies need to stop.

A metaphor for Thanksgiving at a Sex Ed Conference

2010-12-01T21:57:00.000-05:00

cross-posted from
http://www.newjerseynewsroom.com/style/a-metaphor-for-thanksgiving-at-a-sex-ed-conference
with permission from Susie Wilson.

BY SUSIE WILSON
NEWJERSEYNEWSROOM.COM
SEX MATTERS

This Thanksgiving I am focusing my gratitude on the recent two-day Sex Ed Conference organized by the Center for Family Life Education (CFLE), the education arm of Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey. The CFLE has been a leader in the field of sexuality education for 30 years.

The organization provides sexuality education classes on a wide range of topics throughout northern New Jersey, and publishes sexuality education curricula that are used throughout the United States and worldwide.

Close to 300 people attended the conference, half from New Jersey and half from 25 other states, according to Bill Taverner, the executive director of the CFLE and founder and editor-in-chief of The American Journal of Sex Education. "One person came all the way from Sweden," he told me.

Participants were school teachers, community educators, sex therapists, college professors, social workers, and other professionals from community-based organizations.

The conference had three keynote addresses. (Since it's almost Thanksgiving, think turkey, duck, and goose.) The opening keynote, "The Conversations We Are NOT Having with Our Teens and Preteens," was delivered by Dr. Paul Joannides, a research psychoanalyst who explained that "in the era of abstinence-only, we often feel victorious if we can talk about periods and condoms in elementary and middle-school classes and not much more in high school classes."

Dr. Joannides painted a clear picture of the conversations about sexuality that students from eleven years of age to high school actually need from educators, as opposed to "the conversations we are often forced to give." His book, The Guide to Getting It On, is assigned in college sex-ed courses across the country.

The second keynote, "New Technologies, New Opportunities!: Technology as an Ally in Sex Ed," was delivered by Bill Taverner, who feels that the Internet and other technologies can be both a source of instant information and trepidation for many parents, teachers, and other adults who want to protect children from harm. But these new technologies give creative sexuality educators new opportunities to meet young people where they are.

Leslie Walker-Hirsch's keynote was titled, "The Facts of Life...and More: Meaningful Sexuality Education for Students with Intellectual Disabilities." A social development and sexuality consultant from Santa Fe, New Mexico, Walker-Hirsch is the co-creator of the widely used CIRCLES curriculum.

"So often the sexuality education needs of people with intellectual disabilities never become known to mainstream health educators," she told the audience. "The greatest challenge is in how this important information is communicated to these two different populations."

Moving on from the main dishes (keynotes) to the trimmings, the conference attendees had a choice of 34 side dishes (workshops) to fill their plates. Selected through competitive peer review, the workshops seemed inviting, nourishing, and potentially delicious. To give you a taste of the trimmings, I list the following seven:

Don't Forget About the Good Stuff: Incorporating Positive Messages about Sexual Pleasure into Sexuality Education,
If You Can't Beat 'em, Tweet 'em: Teens, Sex, and Technology,
Say What?!?: LGBTQQIAA Terminology & Inclusive Language,
Sexting: Technology Use and Abuse,
Developing a Grab Bag of Strategies and Resources for Students with Differing Abilities,
Pills, Patches, and Rings, Oh, My!: A Look at Today's Contraceptive Options, and
Healthy Teen Relationships: It's Not Puppy Love.

As with the Thanksgiving meal, a guest at the table never thinks he or she has any room for dessert. So it is with conference attendees, who begin to feel surfeited after clearing their full plates. But as family and friends at the Thanksgiving table always find room when the pumpkin and apple pie appear, conference attendees are always able to enjoy a conference's grand finale.

In the case of the Sex Ed Conference, dessert was the presentation of the Golden Brick Award, which is named for Peggy Brick, who is a former longtime sex educator at the Dwight Morrow High School, in Englewood, NJ, well-known curriculum writer, and former director of the CFLE. The award honors New Jersey sexuality educators whose impact has been felt nationally and internationally.

This is the sixth year the award has been given. (Brick, who is now president of the Sexuality and Aging Consortium at Widener University, received it first.)

The 2010 recipient was Dr. Eva Goldfarb of Montclair, NJ, a professor in the department of Health and Nutrition Sciences at Montclair State University who has worked in the sexuality education field since 1990. Dr. Goldfarb has taught courses, conducted workshops and seminars, developed curricula, authored sexuality education articles and essays, and presented at conferences worldwide. She is a much loved and highly respected person.

Dr. Goldfarb, surrounded by family and friends spoke about the work in sex ed that she has done not about preventing sex, or even preventing unwanted outcomes of sex. She always saw "the purpose of sex ed as producing sexually healthy adults."

Like all good meals, all good conferences have to end. But not without expressing thanks for the hard work and imagination of those who lovingly prepared and cooked the food, or the conference. Among the many words of praise that appeared in the evaluations, this one appealed the most: "One of the things I really liked about the conference was how well timed it was and how naturally it flowed. The pace wasn't at all frenetic, but neither did you feel any time was being wasted. There was ample time to network outside of the workshops and presentations, and the programmed time was filled with wonderful options — a true feast of ideas."

Many sing an old hymn at Thanksgiving religious services that begins with the words, "We gather together." That is what the nearly 300 people did at the Sex Ed Conference last week.

Joining together for a common purpose, enjoying fellowship, and expressing gratitude for good work are the essential elements of a successful conference. They are also the essential ingredients of our national celebration of Thanksgiving.

Interview with Eva Goldfarb, Winner of the 2010 Golden Brick Award

2010-11-24T10:12:00.000-05:00

Every year, The CFLE honors an outstanding leader in sexuality education with the Golden Brick Award. Named in honor of legendary sexuality educator Peggy Brick, the award is given to an individual who has made significant contributions to the field of sexuality education both in New Jersey and throughout the nation. We are delighted to honor DR. EVA GOLDFARB, professor at Montclair State University and author/co-author of numerous sexuality education resources, including Our Whole Lives, with this year’s Golden Brick Award.

Goldfarb, Ph.D., is Professor and Chairperson, Department of Health and Nutrition Sciences at Montclair State University. She has published numerous articles, as well as books, book chapters, and curricula and has presented at conferences worldwide in the area of sexuality education and sexual health. A nationally recognized expert in the field, Dr. Goldfarb provides education, training, and other support to young people, parents, college students, education professionals and organizations in the area of sexuality education.

1. What’s the most important thing for our readers to know about your work?

My best work has always been collaborative. My most effective, creative, work, whether a research article, a curriculum, a new lesson idea, a workshop or a new approach or idea is almost always the result of working with colleagues in the field, working with students, parents and teachers. If you notice, all the curricula I have written have been with co-authors. Almost all my publications have been the same way. I love working with really creative, thoughtful, brilliant people to develop something special. It also keeps me at my very best when I surround myself with great minds full of expertise, creativity and collaborative sensibilities. I’m always looking for new partnerships and new ideas.

2. How did you become involved in the field of sexuality education?

Totally by accident (I think…) I was completing a Masters Degree in Communications at the Annenberg School for Communication at the University of Pennsylvania and I needed to take a summer course elective. I saw a graduate course entitled: Human Sexuality being offered in pre-session over five 8-hour days and it piqued my interest. The experience was transformative. By the end of the week I walked into the admissions office at the Graduate School of Education and applied to the Ph.D. program and never looked back. It struck me like a brick. The course brought together all of the important things in my life; my identity as a woman, a daughter, a sexual partner, a friend, an ally, a teacher … and I realized that this is what I was going to spend the rest of my life studying, learning and teaching about.

3. Who has had the most profound influence on your work?

Wow! There have been so many people who have influenced my work and who I continue to call upon for guidance. One thing about this field is that there are so many generous, caring, brilliant people who are willing and eager to help one another. That is a gift.

But I know that I would not be doing what I am today without the most profound shaping of my professional skills, philosophical approach and focus as my first and most influential mentor, Dr. Konnie McCaffree. Konnie, who I am so lucky to call my friend, is responsible for how I came to think about and approach comprehensive sexuality education. She also gave me the skills and understandings to succeed. But most importantly, she instilled the passion and dedication for this work that has never waned for me. Konnie is responsible for so many of us working in the field today, including those whom she taught directly as well as those who have learned and continue to learn the “Konnie method” at both the University of Pennsylvania and now Widener University. Many of the leading sexuality educators in the field are disciples of Konnie McCaffree.

4. What’s the biggest challenge facing sexuality educators?

Lack of understanding about what we do and lack of cohesion even within the “field” are both big challenges. There are many people and organizations who identify themselves as sexuality educators including those who focus on religiously-based abstinence-only-until-marriage programs, those who are dedicated to reducing unintended pregnancies and STIs through getting kids to practice safer sex and those who see comprehensive sexuality education through a very different lens—as a process of helping people throughout their lives to learn about themselves and others in a variety of ways that will help them to become sexually healthy, content, able to enter into and maintain healthy sexual and other relationships, experience pleasure, and enjoy their sexuality. I count myself in this last group.

While all three of these approaches consider what they are doing sexuality education, they have very little in common as far as their approaches, their views of adolescents, their ultimate goals, or their criteria for success. This just adds to the confusion among the public, which largely views sexuality education with suspicion and fear, thus making it necessary for sexuality educators to explain, defend and clarify our work constantly.

5. Would you share one resource that you find especially valuable or meaningful?

Yvonne Hedgepeth and Joan Helmich’s book “Teaching About Sexuality and HIV” is such a great book for sexuality educators. It covers the theoretical, philosophical and practical aspects of comprehensive sexuality education like no other.

Check out the Sex Ed Conference

2010-10-29T08:24:00.000-04:00

Nothing to read here…we’re too busy preparing for The CFLE’s Sex Ed Conference! But the conference program is online and there is plenty of reading there!

See: http://www.sexedconference.com/preliminary_conference_program.pdf